How to end a vicious cycle?

Guess what? More emotional and self-loathing crap, coming your way! Hurray. This is all for myself, peeps. Time for some self therapy, since it's the only kind of therapy I can afford, at the time. Ha.

Seems like my head is one big mess, these days. I'm getting pretty tired of living in my own, sad, little bubble, scared to open myself up the the world and to someone who deserves it.

Get over yourself, Laura. I'm so sick of always falling back into my old patterns of keeping people at a distance, afraid to let anyone get too close to me. Especially when I really wanna let her in, and show her that she's special to me. I can't stand the thought of myself getting in the way of something I want, once again. I've tried it too many times, and I need to change, this time. I need to become a better Me, a Me who doesn't hate herself to pieces, a Me that isn't emotionally handicapped. How can that be so god damn hard? Insecurity is so last year, why didn't I get the memo?

Also, I don't think it's helping at all, that I'm back at square one with reading my ex girlfriend's blog. I'm complete and totally over my depressing "take me back"-phase - well, over her, all in all - but it seems I still care about knowing how she's doing. I should probably find a solution for that, 'cause it's clearly not making anything better, and I really don't see the point in doing it.

Note to self; start making sense, from now on.