The cold mornings are getting to me

I've been all over the place, the last few days, and I can't quite figure out why. It seems like my head is one big mess, these days, and it's making my whole body ache. I'm extremely tired all the time, which makes it hard to focus on anything at all.

I keep thinking back at my last relationship, right at the start, to figure out if all of these feelings of confusion and a sick need to let my guards up are normal. They probably are, considering how I always end up in my own little bubble. But I can't quite figure out if it's just the cold weather, long school-days and dark mornings that are just giving me a hard time, or if it's something different. I can't be sure. Maybe it's the fact that I've been listening to The Fray and Mae nonstop, the past few nights. Most of all, I should probably visit my therapist, but I've decided to wait until the start of next year, seeing as how I'm broke, and my parents are too. I'd feel too mean taking any more of their money. So, for now, I'll have to figure out my problems for myself, and try to work on them the best I can. Even though I've never done that, and always end up running from them instead. The problem is, that's not a possibility right now. I have to face them. And that scares the hell out of me. I don't feel like facing anything, and I don't feel like taking my life seriously right now. All I need is zero responsibility for myself, my life and my actions. And at the same time, what I mostly long for are boundaries, and strict plans about how the hell I'm gonna control my life and myself.

I took a few pictures last night, just fooling around with some whiskey and a pen. My self esteem has taking a toll for the worse, so I'm in no condition to judge them. All I see are imperfections, and my inner perfectionist is going crazy. And yes, I know they're "risky" or what you'd call them, but that was what I was in the mood for.