Too many words. No one to give them to.

It's really pathetic how I keep getting stuck in the past, without knowing how to move on. I can't believe how helpless you make me feel. This week has been a big step back for me. I think it's because I haven't been to school, or hung out with anyone. This stupid injury couldn't have come at a worse time. I need to get out. But at the same time, I don't feel like seeing anyone. I feel like sleeping the day away, which is what I've tried doing, but it's not working. If anything, it's making it worse.

I met my therapist yesterday. The whole thing was just.. weird. Mostly because I kept thinking "wow.. this stranger isn't gonna understand me half as much as she does. Or did." I'm still going back on wednesday, though. I don't know what else to do.

There are too many memories to let go of, you're still too big a part of me. Every time I see something, any little thing that reminds me of you, my stomach turns upside down and I feel the tears coming. I can't do this anymore. I don't know how to get better. I don't know how to show everyone that I'm okay, that I don't need anyone but myself. 'Cause I do. Before all of this happened, when I still felt hope, I believed that I could get better, because I had you as my support, because you were always there to help me see clearly. Now I feel like I'm all alone, and I know that's selfish, because my friends are always there for me. But I can't forget the fact that you always understood me, even when I didn't understand myself. You could always put words to my feelings. All I want to do is write you, call you. But I can't stand any more letdowns.

"Along the way, I've learned that you can't let anyone in too far, and you can't trust endlessly. The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you're broken, you'll never be fully fixed."
- This used to be my motto. It still is, only I ended up making that one mistake.

"I can't unlove you." - But I sure wish I could.