Bitter taste

I wish I could explain myself to her. Or maybe defend is a more fitting word. I know I wrote her, that night, because my stupid, drunk mind thought that it was a good idea, but my words came out completely wrong. And now she thinks that my new relationship is shit, and that I'm still trying to get over her. And it pisses me off, even though I get where she's coming from. To her, it seems like I still wasn't over her, when I started my relationship with Janne, but I was. And I most definitely am. I told her that I missed her, because I missed telling her stuff that she'd understand, because we did have a connection that I don't have with my friends. But I didn't mean that I miss her in the relationship way. I don't. It sounds mean, I know, but I got over that quickly. I forced myself to. And then I met Janne, and I didn't want my past to control when it was "appropriate" to make her my girlfriend. I took control. And I'm proud of that. But it kills me that she doesn't know that. That she thinks I'm just moving on through another girl. 'Cause that is most definitely not the truth. I'm finally learning to let go of the past, more than I've been able to for a long time, and for some reason it still means something to me, what she thinks of me. A part of me wants her to know the truth. But she doesn't, and I guess I can't change that. But I am looking forward to getting my money back. Maybe someday she'll be able to see it through my eyes. And maybe someday I'll have the chance to explain myself. Maybe not. I refuse to let that get to me.

What me and my girlfriend have is real. And if it in some way helps her, to believe that it isn't, then so be it.
I know the truth, and that's what counts.

What fills the magic in the meantime?

I know it’s hard without a vice,

You need to find a new solution,

Adaptation or retribution,

If you truly do believe in something,

Somehow it all works out.