For the past two years, my mom has had melanoma cancer. Aka. mole cancer. It's been a constant roller-coaster, where she's gone from being healthy and cured, just to discover that the cancer has spread yet again. We've kept our hopes up, because most of the cancer was situated in her left armpit, which was a fairly easy place to operate. Last Christmas, they found out that the cancer had spread quite a bit more than usual, to most of her left chest. She had to have her left breast removed, because the lump was placed inside of her breast, and they wouldn't be able to get rid of it without removing the whole thing. So, they did that, and she went through another battle of getting well again. Things were actually starting to look good, in the beginning of February. Until they discovered yet another lump in her left armpit. But it wasn't anything too serious, because the lump was very small, and it wasn't "active", which meant that it hadn't been growing. So, she had the lump removed 3 weeks ago, and started her rehabilitation, for the millionth time. She started seeing a therapist, and we could all feel that she was beginning to do a lot better than she had been for quite some time. It was amazing to feel her coming back to us, as the strong and incredible mom that I know her to be.
This Wednesday it all took a turn for the worse. Like, A LOT worse. She'd had a normal evening, we'd had dinner together like we always do, and she seemed to be doing okay, even though she was annoyed with her left arm, because it still wasn't functioning normally, after the surgery 3 weeks ago.
Then, at about 10PM, while I was sitting in front of my computer in my room, I suddenly heard her cry "Help!" from the living room. My dad and big-sister had already gone in there, and I don't know why, but I didn't think it would be anything serious. Boy, was I wrong. Her left arm had started cramping, and she had absolutely no control over it. She was so scared, and told us not to touch her, because it was so painful. We tried to figure out what to do. Got her to sit down on the sofa and relax a little. All of a sudden, in a matter of seconds, the cramps started spreading to the rest of her body, first her chest, then her other arm and her legs. At this point she was unconscious. We couldn't get her to answer us, and her eyes weren't focusing. We called 911 immediately, my dad told them what was going on, and the nurse on the phone tried to tell us what to do. All the while, her cramps were only getting worse. Then her face went completely blue, and her body stiffened like it was a plank. At this point, we were all convinced she was going to die. We forced her body to lie down, which was incredibly difficult. She started biting her own tongue, and blood ran out of her mouth. I was convinced she was having a brain hemorrhage. She kept biting her tongue, and she was having trouble breathing because of all the blood in her mouth. At this point, I had no idea what to do, so I put both my thumbs between her teeth, to stop her from biting it any more, making it possible for her to breathe. She bit my thumbs so hard, but I refused to let go. Her breathing was heavy and uneven, and we still couldn't get in contact with her.
This was the point where the ambulance showed up, after what had seemed like a fucking lifetime. They took control of the situation, and put an oxygen mask on her. She slowly started to wake up, and the cramps became less strong. She almost seemed to wake up, and they got her into a special chair the had brought, to bring her out to the ambulance. She was almost awake now. completely confused, had no idea what had just happened. She couldn't remember anything. They brought her into the ambulance, and I rode with her to the hospital, while my dad and sister followed behind in our car. The ambulance man got her to talk, to keep her conscious, asking her about her birth date, phone number, stuff like that. I kept kissing and stroking her hair, to remind her that I was right there with her. She was so scared and confused, and at one point, when I told the ambulance man about her cancer, she got scared, because she had no memory of having cancer. She had no idea what I was talking about.
We arrived at the hospital, and they drove her into the hallway, where we were left to wait, until a nurse would come for us. They sure took their time, and we couldn't do anything but wait with her, and try to keep her calm, so that she wouldn't start hyperventilating. We brought her some water, because her mouth was so dry from the oxygen they'd given her. At last, a nurse showed up, to show us to a room where we could wait with her. And so we did.
Another nurse came in, to take her blood pressure and gather some more information for her hospital record. This was a bit more complicated, because of all the diseases my mom has had throughout her life. Meningitis, Bechet's syndrome, and her cancer, to mention a few. After that, we were left to wait for a doctor to come and examine her. This ended up taking several hours. My Dad had to leave at about 3AM, because he had to go to work the next day. Me and my sister refused to leave her, so we stayed with her. I'm so glad we did.
After what had seemed like a lifetime, a doctor showed up. He checked her pulse, her eyes, her different joints and so on. All to see what the seizure might have damaged. "Luckily" it hadn't damaged anything in the rest of her body, except for the left arm, which was already beat up from before the seizure. The doctor told us that he was certain that the answer had to be found inside her brain. He would go talk to the hospital's neurologist, to get a second opinion. Once again, we where left to wait for a long time, until the neurologist was finished with her other patients.
When she finally showed up, she did most of the same tests as the other doctor, plus a few new ones. Given that she specializes in the brain area, she was also certain that the reason for the seizure would have to be found inside her brain, as this was were the seizure had started. They put her on the waiting list for a CT scan, which would be done in a few hours. They drove her up to the neurological floor, where the nurses are specialists in my mom's situation. Her hospital bed was placed in the hallway, which made me extremely angry, until they explained to us that this was so that they could keep as much watch for her as possible, in case she would have another seizure.
At this point we'd been in the hospital for 6 hours. We'd arrived at 11PM, and now it was 5 in the morning. Me and my sister were finally able to leave her, now that we knew she was in the right place, and that the nurses would keep checking in on her all through the morning.
I stayed home from school the next day (Thursday). My body and mind was so exhausted that I slept until about 4 in the afternoon. The doctors told us that they wanted to take another scan of her brain, an MR scan. It would make it easier for them to figure out exactly what they had seen on the CT scan. They would scan her the next morning, and we'd get the results at about 1PM Friday.
I went home to Janne in the evening, my favourite girl, and she cheered me up. I spent the night with her, and in the morning I went to school. The whole school day was terrible, I couldn't focus on anything, because I was anxiously awaiting the results of my mom's scan.
At 3PM I still hadn't heard from my dad, so I wrote him and asked him if they'd gotten the news yet. He told me that it wasn't good news, and asked if he should call me. I went out into the school's hallway and called him.
This is when he told me that my mom's cancer has spread to her brain. She had a lump, which they call a metastasis, because it's not exactly the same as a tumor. This was what had caused her seizure Wednesday night. He gave the phone to my mom, and I talked to her. She sounded so beat up. I asked her how she was, which is of course a stupid question, in such a situation. She told me she'd been crying for the past two hours. The doctors told her that they had contacted another hospital - Copenhagen's biggest hospital - that they where trying to get her transferred to them, and that they'd be able to take more tests on the metastasis, to find out whether it would be best to surgically remove it, or if chemo would be better.
And this is where we're at, right now. She's still waiting for them to transfer her to the hospital in Copenhagen, but it'll probably take them a few days to get it done.
I just got back from visiting her at the hospital. I visited her last night, too. I'm amazed that she's even functioning after all of this. It's horrible seeing her like this. Worse than ever. I just want to take some of the weight off of her shoulders. If I could, I'd put in all on my own, in a heartbeat. I want my mom back.
I cannot describe how much hatred I feel towards the world, right now. Nothing's fair, and if anyone talks to me about karma, I'm gonna beat them to death. It doesn't exist, and things don't happen for a reason. It's all just random, and my mom has obviously drawn the shortest straw.
I love you, mom.
You're the most amazing human being I have ever known, and will ever know. We refuse to let you go. Cancer will not get the best of you. We won't let it.
