... is gonna be one, giant glitterfuck!
Get ready for us, CC!
Godt nytår til alle, på forhånd!
Get ready for us, CC!
Godt nytår til alle, på forhånd!
31 December, 2010
30 December, 2010
Dress disaster
Disse to kjoler købte jeg på boohoo.com engang inden julaften. Jeg havde store planer om, at have én af dem på til nytår, men eftersom jeg stadig ikke har modtaget dem, må jeg nok hellere forberede mig på, at jeg bliver nødt til at finde en back-up kjole, i tilfælde af, jeg ikke når at modtage dem i morgen. Det ødelægger lidt min plan om, at være one big ball of glitter, men til gengæld har jeg stadigvæk masser af glimmer, i form af pudder og hårspray. Det krydser jeg fingre for, er nok, og at jeg finder et godt alternativ til en nytårskjole, i morgen. Man kunne jo også bare købe en sort sæk, og bade den i glitter. That would probably suit me better, haha.
Oh well, det får ikke lov til at ødelægge min spænding til nytår. Jeg skal fejre aftenen på CC, og jeg glæder mig til, at hoppe ind i det nye år med mine yndlingspiger ved min side. Should be awesome! Jeg har i hvert fald planer om, at få årets bedste - og sidste! - brandert. Wish me luck!
27 December, 2010
Perfectionism and stubbornness leads to...
A new blog picture!
Eftersom jeg ikke fik noget konstruktivt ud af dagen - medmindre en dag i sengen, med mavekramper tæller - besluttede jeg mig for, at det var tid til et nyt billede til min blog og Tumblr.
Og sådan endte jeg med, at bruge godt 2 timer på mit nye billede, so you better like it! Det virker måske ikke som meget, men med så hardcore en perfektionisme som min, - blandet med en god omgang stædighed - tager det lang tid, at få alting til at passe sammen. And I'm still not satisfied, men jeg opgav, og fandt fred i det færdige resultat.
Nu vil jeg begrave mig i et par afsnit af Weeds, imens jeg prøver, at få fred i hovedet, og ser frem til at se Janne, "senere". Natnat, cyberwebz!
Eftersom jeg ikke fik noget konstruktivt ud af dagen - medmindre en dag i sengen, med mavekramper tæller - besluttede jeg mig for, at det var tid til et nyt billede til min blog og Tumblr.
Og sådan endte jeg med, at bruge godt 2 timer på mit nye billede, so you better like it! Det virker måske ikke som meget, men med så hardcore en perfektionisme som min, - blandet med en god omgang stædighed - tager det lang tid, at få alting til at passe sammen. And I'm still not satisfied, men jeg opgav, og fandt fred i det færdige resultat.
Nu vil jeg begrave mig i et par afsnit af Weeds, imens jeg prøver, at få fred i hovedet, og ser frem til at se Janne, "senere". Natnat, cyberwebz!
Just close your eyes
And count to five
Let's craft the only thing we know into surprise.
26 December, 2010
"It's all good"
Juleaften var, som altid, hyggelig. Family time can be nice. Awesome presents, too. Canon Ixus 130, gavekort, gavekort, gavekort, og lysstofrør til mine vægge. Join my rave, plz?
Jeg har en plan om, at leve på mit værelse, med uendelige mængder smøger og sodavand. Or beer, perhaps. Sounds good to me. Og selvfølgelig med musik i ørene, 24/7.
Jeg har en plan om, at leve på mit værelse, med uendelige mængder smøger og sodavand. Or beer, perhaps. Sounds good to me. Og selvfølgelig med musik i ørene, 24/7.
(Yup, jeg har en B.O.H.-obsession going on. Again.)
Its been awful hard to just stand on my feet
I think I'll slow down if I am able
I won't drown in the ocean
For starving my place at the table.
24 December, 2010
On My Way Back Home
Åhhh, Band of Horses, you're awesome, but I fear you're having a bad influence on my mood.
Oh, what the heck.
I came in this way, and here now I'll stay
If the unknown have to wait one more day
There's often times that it comes out wrong
But luckily I, I got a mind to know
On my way back home.
Oh, what the heck.
I came in this way, and here now I'll stay
If the unknown have to wait one more day
There's often times that it comes out wrong
But luckily I, I got a mind to know
On my way back home.
23 December, 2010
Today's challenge;
- Get out of bed
- Pak julegaver ind
- Get in the mood for Christmas!
Lige pt. er det hele sat på pause, da der er smølferne i TV'et! Nostalgi, ftw. ♥
BRB bed, just had to unload some thoughts
Før alt det her startede, havde jeg en plan om, at arbejde på min selvstændighed og lære mig selv, at føle mig tilpas med, at stå på egne ben, uden at læne mig for meget op af nogen.
Pt. er den plan blevet sat på pause, da jeg ikke havde taget højde for den store mængde depressive og selvhadende tanker, dét ville bringe med sig. I stedet blev jeg reddet af en pige. Og selvom jeg selv ved, hvor kliché det egentlig er for mig, at finde styrke i en anden, i stedet for mig i selv, mener jeg samtidig ikke, at min plan behøver at blive afbrudt fuldstændig, bare fordi en dejlig pige har trådt ind i mit liv. Jeg kan ikke se, hvorfor jeg ikke skulle kunne arbejde på min selvstændighed samtidig med, at have hende ved min side til, at huske mig på hvad jeg har at holde fast i, når jeg engang imellem ikke føler, at jeg kan bunde længere. Nej. Jeg skal nok lære, at føle mig stærk, og jeg håber og krydser alle lemmer for, at jeg på en eller anden måde finder en helt ny styrke frem i mig selv, i stedet for at falde tilbage i mine gamle mønstre, og lytte til stemmen i mit hoved som siger, at jeg ikke fortjener lykke og kærlighed. Jeg beder til, at jeg finder en helt ny side af mig selv, og hvis det sker, glæder jeg mig til at vise verden og alle der ikke tror på det, at jeg sagtens kan være selvstændig, uden at være det "på egen hånd".
Nu vil jeg få noget søvn, og prøve at falde i søvn til positive tanker, for once. Sounds like a great idea, amirite?
Pt. er den plan blevet sat på pause, da jeg ikke havde taget højde for den store mængde depressive og selvhadende tanker, dét ville bringe med sig. I stedet blev jeg reddet af en pige. Og selvom jeg selv ved, hvor kliché det egentlig er for mig, at finde styrke i en anden, i stedet for mig i selv, mener jeg samtidig ikke, at min plan behøver at blive afbrudt fuldstændig, bare fordi en dejlig pige har trådt ind i mit liv. Jeg kan ikke se, hvorfor jeg ikke skulle kunne arbejde på min selvstændighed samtidig med, at have hende ved min side til, at huske mig på hvad jeg har at holde fast i, når jeg engang imellem ikke føler, at jeg kan bunde længere. Nej. Jeg skal nok lære, at føle mig stærk, og jeg håber og krydser alle lemmer for, at jeg på en eller anden måde finder en helt ny styrke frem i mig selv, i stedet for at falde tilbage i mine gamle mønstre, og lytte til stemmen i mit hoved som siger, at jeg ikke fortjener lykke og kærlighed. Jeg beder til, at jeg finder en helt ny side af mig selv, og hvis det sker, glæder jeg mig til at vise verden og alle der ikke tror på det, at jeg sagtens kan være selvstændig, uden at være det "på egen hånd".
Nu vil jeg få noget søvn, og prøve at falde i søvn til positive tanker, for once. Sounds like a great idea, amirite?
19 December, 2010
Keep watch for the mines
Dagen startede ud som de fleste søndage, med minimum overskud til at lave noget som helst, andet end at ligge i sengen og sumpe. Heldigvis var det i selskab af Janne, hvilket gjorde det hele meget bedre, of course. I had a great night, too. Jeg fuldede mig på Cosmo, med mine yndlingspiger. They made my day/night.
Jeg er god til at forvirre mig selv. Det må jeg lære, at ændre på. It doesn't do me any good, og slet ikke når jeg smitter af på folk omkring mig. Jeg har brug for, at finde min glade, sprudlende person frem, hende som folk rent faktisk nyder at være omkring. Hende savner jeg. Hopefully she's beginning to shine through again, for jeg har snart ikke overskud til mere negativitet og depressive tanker. Go away, plz.
Jeg har i hvert fald indset, at jeg ikke bare kan skubbe min tristhed under tæppet, det forværrer bare alting. Istedet bør jeg finde en løsning på mit triste humør, I just haven't quite figured out how to do that, yet. Heldigvis har jeg optimisme og positivitet, i form af mine venner og min søde kæreste. I know I'm not always the healthiest person to be around, but I adore you for being so patient with me. I won't let you down.
Jeg er god til at forvirre mig selv. Det må jeg lære, at ændre på. It doesn't do me any good, og slet ikke når jeg smitter af på folk omkring mig. Jeg har brug for, at finde min glade, sprudlende person frem, hende som folk rent faktisk nyder at være omkring. Hende savner jeg. Hopefully she's beginning to shine through again, for jeg har snart ikke overskud til mere negativitet og depressive tanker. Go away, plz.
Jeg har i hvert fald indset, at jeg ikke bare kan skubbe min tristhed under tæppet, det forværrer bare alting. Istedet bør jeg finde en løsning på mit triste humør, I just haven't quite figured out how to do that, yet. Heldigvis har jeg optimisme og positivitet, i form af mine venner og min søde kæreste. I know I'm not always the healthiest person to be around, but I adore you for being so patient with me. I won't let you down.
18 December, 2010
You're alright, you're alright, you're alright!
Catch your breath,
Hit the wall,
Scream out loud,
As you start to crawl
Back in your cage
The only place
Where they will
Leave you alone.
15 December, 2010
Open your eyes
Jeg tror, det der skete for mig var, at jeg har haft for mange indeklemte følelser, som jeg er blevet ved med, at skubbe væk, fordi jeg ærligt talt ikke har kunne håndtere dem, eller vidst hvad jeg skulle bruge dem til. Whenever I do that, I end up as a downer. Heldigvis har jeg ikke overskuddet til, at fodre min indre emo længere, som jeg plejer at gøre. I just won't do it this time. Istedet vil jeg prøve at huske mig selv på, hvor meget bedre jeg er for mig selv og mine medmennesker, når jeg er den glade, smilende, og glædespredende pige, som folk gerne vil være omkring. Hende vil jeg finde frem igen. After all, I do have things to be happy about. I've got the greatest people in my life, who are there for me, even when I can't explain what's going on. Og næsten gang jeg får et sudden breakdown, håber jeg, jeg kan huske mig selv på det samme.
Det betyder selvfølgelig ikke, at jeg bare kan lægge skjul på de indeklemte følelser, for så ved jeg godt, det helt samme bare sker igen. Jeg vil bare prøve, at holde dem på et minimum, og holde dem lidt i baghovedet, istedet for at lade dem overtage hele min hjerne. That won't get me anywhere.
Nu må det gerne blive weekend, så jeg skal feste, og bevise overfor Trine, at jeg stadig kan være den uansvarlige, alkoholssvamp af en veninde, jeg har lovet hende at finde frem. That'll do me good. ^^, Also, I'd like Janne by my side. I guess I'll have to do with the scent of her on my pillow, and the thoughts of her that put a smile on my face.
*another moment of clarity*
Det betyder selvfølgelig ikke, at jeg bare kan lægge skjul på de indeklemte følelser, for så ved jeg godt, det helt samme bare sker igen. Jeg vil bare prøve, at holde dem på et minimum, og holde dem lidt i baghovedet, istedet for at lade dem overtage hele min hjerne. That won't get me anywhere.
Nu må det gerne blive weekend, så jeg skal feste, og bevise overfor Trine, at jeg stadig kan være den uansvarlige, alkoholssvamp af en veninde, jeg har lovet hende at finde frem. That'll do me good. ^^, Also, I'd like Janne by my side. I guess I'll have to do with the scent of her on my pillow, and the thoughts of her that put a smile on my face.
14 December, 2010
Why not just be happy?
Jeg har tit spurgt mig selv præcis det spørgsmål.
The thing is, at det bare ikke er så nemt for mig, "bare" at blive glad igen. Og når folk spørger mig, hvorfor jeg ikke bare kan være glad og se lidt lysere på tingene, føler jeg en endnu større tristhed over, at de dybest set ikke tager mine følelser seriøst, eller bare ikke forstår dem. Jeg får tit åbenbaringer som fortæller mig, at jeg sagtens kan vende mit humør rundt, og få noget positivt ud af selv de mest negative situationer. Og i de få timer, måske dage, åbenbaringen holder, og jeg lever i en urealistisk lille bobbel, har jeg det godt. Men når min indre, depressive lille teenager endnu engang føler sig overset, kommer min vrede og tristhed tilbage. Vrede overfor mig selv, fordi jeg konstant er så god til, at sætte mig selv i et dårligt lys, og nedgøre mig selv. Og vrede over, at have så fandens svært ved "bare" at være glad. Jeg tror, jeg tager livet for seriøst. "Loosen up a little. Don't get yourself down, life moves on. Just get back up on that horse. Der er folk i verden, som har det værre end dig." Kliché efter kliché, and trust me, people, those words never help.
Samtidig skuffer jeg også mig selv, gang på gang. Jeg føler mig som en attentionwhore, så snart jeg er ked af det, fordi jeg er dårlig til at skjule det overfor de folk, som betyder mest for mig. Og når de så spørger mig hvad der er galt, har jeg ikke lyst til at åbne mig op, dels fordi jeg ikke vil suge dem med ned i min triste lille hule af depressive tanker, men også fordi jeg ved, det ikke er noget jeg kan forklare.
The thing is, at det bare ikke er så nemt for mig, "bare" at blive glad igen. Og når folk spørger mig, hvorfor jeg ikke bare kan være glad og se lidt lysere på tingene, føler jeg en endnu større tristhed over, at de dybest set ikke tager mine følelser seriøst, eller bare ikke forstår dem. Jeg får tit åbenbaringer som fortæller mig, at jeg sagtens kan vende mit humør rundt, og få noget positivt ud af selv de mest negative situationer. Og i de få timer, måske dage, åbenbaringen holder, og jeg lever i en urealistisk lille bobbel, har jeg det godt. Men når min indre, depressive lille teenager endnu engang føler sig overset, kommer min vrede og tristhed tilbage. Vrede overfor mig selv, fordi jeg konstant er så god til, at sætte mig selv i et dårligt lys, og nedgøre mig selv. Og vrede over, at have så fandens svært ved "bare" at være glad. Jeg tror, jeg tager livet for seriøst. "Loosen up a little. Don't get yourself down, life moves on. Just get back up on that horse. Der er folk i verden, som har det værre end dig." Kliché efter kliché, and trust me, people, those words never help.
Samtidig skuffer jeg også mig selv, gang på gang. Jeg føler mig som en attentionwhore, så snart jeg er ked af det, fordi jeg er dårlig til at skjule det overfor de folk, som betyder mest for mig. Og når de så spørger mig hvad der er galt, har jeg ikke lyst til at åbne mig op, dels fordi jeg ikke vil suge dem med ned i min triste lille hule af depressive tanker, men også fordi jeg ved, det ikke er noget jeg kan forklare.
13 December, 2010
I am my own affliction
"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions."
- Augusten Burroughs.
I'm on the run
I'm on the ropes this time
Where is my song?
I've lost the song of my soul tonight.
I should really find a cure for my constant mood swings. They're making my head hurt, and it's hard to keep track of my thoughts, when they're one big mess.
Det er utroligt så god jeg er til, at spænde ben for mig selv, konstant. Jeg kan ikke huske hvornår jeg sidst har været glad, som i, >kun< glad. Der er altid en underlig følelse af uro eller tristhed, bagved glæden. Det lyder utroligt deprimerende, og det her er ikke et indlæg om depressive teenage-følelser, not at all. Jeg havde bare brug for, at komme ud med lidt af alt det, der kronisk kører rundt i mine tanker, inden jeg for alvor bliver sindssyg.
Det er svært at skrive sit hjerte ud, når man samtidig også skal passe på, hvordan man formulerer sig, og hvor meget af sig selv man afslører. After all, this is the internet, og nogle ting burde jeg faktisk ikke dele med omverden. Det er bare ikke ligeså interessant, at have en personlig, privat dagbog. Ha.
Jeg kan alligevel ikke afsløre særlig meget, når jeg ikke ved hvad det præcis er, der er grunden til mit dårlige humør. Hvis der i det mindste kunne komme nogle guldkorn ud af det, nogle gode digte eller sangtekster, ville jeg ikke have helt så meget imod det, men når min hjerne og krop er fyldt med tanker og følelser, jeg ikke kan tyde eller sætte ord på, er det lidt svært, at omvende dem til noget poetisk. I guess I'll save that for another time.
Jeg har brugt 90% af dagen på, at finde gammel og halvgammel musik frem, hvilket både har været positivt og negativt. Negativt, fordi det har haft en dårlig effekt på mit i forvejen dårlige humør. The thing about old music is there's often a memory connected to each song, and most of the memories I've relived tonight are sad ones. Or, at least memories that make me sad, today.
Jeg plejer at kunne skylde skylden på mandag. Men noget siger mig, at det her er en mere permanent følelse af uro. I won't know for sure until tomorrow, I guess. Mundlort på mundlort, jeg tror jeg vil stoppe, inden det går over gevind. ^^,
- Augusten Burroughs.
I'm on the run
I'm on the ropes this time
Where is my song?
I've lost the song of my soul tonight.
I should really find a cure for my constant mood swings. They're making my head hurt, and it's hard to keep track of my thoughts, when they're one big mess.
Det er utroligt så god jeg er til, at spænde ben for mig selv, konstant. Jeg kan ikke huske hvornår jeg sidst har været glad, som i, >kun< glad. Der er altid en underlig følelse af uro eller tristhed, bagved glæden. Det lyder utroligt deprimerende, og det her er ikke et indlæg om depressive teenage-følelser, not at all. Jeg havde bare brug for, at komme ud med lidt af alt det, der kronisk kører rundt i mine tanker, inden jeg for alvor bliver sindssyg.
Det er svært at skrive sit hjerte ud, når man samtidig også skal passe på, hvordan man formulerer sig, og hvor meget af sig selv man afslører. After all, this is the internet, og nogle ting burde jeg faktisk ikke dele med omverden. Det er bare ikke ligeså interessant, at have en personlig, privat dagbog. Ha.
Jeg kan alligevel ikke afsløre særlig meget, når jeg ikke ved hvad det præcis er, der er grunden til mit dårlige humør. Hvis der i det mindste kunne komme nogle guldkorn ud af det, nogle gode digte eller sangtekster, ville jeg ikke have helt så meget imod det, men når min hjerne og krop er fyldt med tanker og følelser, jeg ikke kan tyde eller sætte ord på, er det lidt svært, at omvende dem til noget poetisk. I guess I'll save that for another time.
Jeg har brugt 90% af dagen på, at finde gammel og halvgammel musik frem, hvilket både har været positivt og negativt. Negativt, fordi det har haft en dårlig effekt på mit i forvejen dårlige humør. The thing about old music is there's often a memory connected to each song, and most of the memories I've relived tonight are sad ones. Or, at least memories that make me sad, today.
Jeg plejer at kunne skylde skylden på mandag. Men noget siger mig, at det her er en mere permanent følelse af uro. I won't know for sure until tomorrow, I guess. Mundlort på mundlort, jeg tror jeg vil stoppe, inden det går over gevind. ^^,
Losing ground and gaining speed
These days pass me by
I dream with open eyes
Nightmares haunt my days
Visions blur my nights
I'm so confused
What's true or false
What's fact or fiction after all
I feel like I'm an apparition's pet
But you haven't lost me yet
I'll run until my heart caves in
No, you haven't lost me yet.
11 December, 2010
Such a girlie
Jeg blogger generelt ikke meget om tøj. Well, det synes jég i hvert fald ikke, at jeg gør. Men nu er jeg blevet forelsket i så mange nye kjoler, at jeg snart dør af sorg over pengemangel. Det er alt sammen Camillas skyld, fordi hun bloggede tre kjoler fra Boohoo.com. Derefter tjekkede jeg siden ud, og faldt for et hav af deres kjoler. Jeg mangler jo et nytårsoutfit, så mon ikke jeg ender med at købe en af dem, i snareste fremtid. Can't decide, though!
They're all so pretty. *sad face*
Til gengæld har jeg tilladt mig selv, at købe et par tshirts online, fordi jeg alligevel var på udkig efter en gave til a certain someone. Og så var de også billige! Jeg havde efterhånden brug for, at drukne min vinterdepression i en smule nyt tøj. Nu håber jeg bare, de når at ankomme inden juleaften. Fingers crossed!
Heldigvis hjalp en smule familiehygge, med best friend og søde Camilla på mit humør. Vi havde planlagt at drikke, men Trine skal desværre til førstehjælpskursus i morgen, så det droppede vi, og så istedet for TV og fodrede vores geniale humor. I love those girls!
Heldigvis hjalp en smule familiehygge, med best friend og søde Camilla på mit humør. Vi havde planlagt at drikke, men Trine skal desværre til førstehjælpskursus i morgen, så det droppede vi, og så istedet for TV og fodrede vores geniale humor. I love those girls!
09 December, 2010
Today's mood; plain
Meningsløse, umotiverede dage har altid en negativ påvirkning på mit humør. Jeg kunne have taget billeder i sneen, da jeg kom hjem, jeg kunne have pyntet op til jul, jeg kunne have brugt min tid på et eller andet fornuftigt. Istedet valgte jeg at tage en lang morfar og se Glee. Sure, that shouldn't sound too shitty, og det var det heller ikke, men nu kan jeg mærke the downside til, at have lavet ingenting, hele dagen. Stupid, stupid cold and dark weather, for making me lazy and crappy. Nu må det godt blive fredag eftermiddag, så mig, best friend og Camilla skal "hygge"-drikke hos mig og have det sjovt. Derefter må det gerne blive lørdag aften, så jeg kan komme til Haslev og holde gyser-druk-marathon med den sødeste pige.
Yes please!
Yes please!
I det mindste hjælper glad - eller, i det mindste upbeat - musik på mit humør. ^^,
08 December, 2010
Out with the new, and in with the old...
... Music! Not that old, jeg besluttede mig bare for, at finde en masse musik i dag, som jeg burde have ejet for længst, med kunstnere jeg længe har elsket. Anberlin, The Rocket Summer, Switchfoot, Relient K. Sweet, heartwarming, yet a bit depressing at times. Just the way I like it!
I dag modtog jeg forresten mine militærstøvler. Ja, dem jeg bestilte engang i juni, og som jeg egentlig havde afbestilt. Oh well, it all worked out to my benefit, eftersom min mor har betalt dem, og de egentlig er ret seje. En smule billigere, fake læder-udgave af Dr. Martens. Yes Plz! Nu kan jeg gå rundt og være tårnhøj, iblandt mine dværgevenner. They're gonna love that! 172 cm, ftw. Ha.
I dag modtog jeg forresten mine militærstøvler. Ja, dem jeg bestilte engang i juni, og som jeg egentlig havde afbestilt. Oh well, it all worked out to my benefit, eftersom min mor har betalt dem, og de egentlig er ret seje. En smule billigere, fake læder-udgave af Dr. Martens. Yes Plz! Nu kan jeg gå rundt og være tårnhøj, iblandt mine dværgevenner. They're gonna love that! 172 cm, ftw. Ha.
And now for the music;
♥ ♥ ♥
07 December, 2010
Tonight's soundtrack
Trying to get myself to calm down, after a hyperactive night. Dagen startede som enhver mandag, alt for tidligt, med dårligt humør, alt i alt, Monday blues. Dem har jeg efterhånden vænnet mig til, men til gengæld forsvandt de hen af aftenen, og nu prøver jeg bare, at slappe af, da jeg burde have sovet for længst. I just can't get myself to go to sleep, så istedet har jeg brugt min tid konstruktivt på, at lede min gamle musik igennem, efter søde numre, jeg har glemt med tiden. Denne her minder mig om Roskilde, og samtidig får den mig også til at tænke på Janne, for some reason. Hee.
05 December, 2010
Ambivalence
Weekenden har været... indholdsrig.
Fredag var jeg i Haslev, fordi Janne havde inviteret mig med til en fællesfødselsdag for to af hendes veninder. Det der med, at blive introduceret for så mange fremmede mennesker, på en aften, uden rigtig at kende nogen, har aldrig været a specialty of mine. Men jeg kom godt igennem aftenen, og Janne var allerede æskestiv, tidligt på aftenen, hvilket forbedrede min evne til at drikke hurtigt. Nu håber jeg ikke, hendes veninder mener, jeg er en stille, genert type, som de fleste normalt gør, første gang de møder mig. Hyggeligt var det i hvert fald, and I'm glad I went. ^^, Jeg kunne dog godt have undværet den påtvungne lap dance, jeg lavede på en fremmed dreng. Ak ja, selskabslege er the shit.
Jeg husker ikke meget fra i går, hvilket nok er grunden til, jeg har lidt ambivalente følelser over aftenen/natten. Det fjerner ligesom en del af det sjove, når man ikke kan huske hvor fuld og dum man var. Måske var jeg alligevel fuldere end jeg havde regnet med. Jeg husker dog at skulle slæbe en hvis stiv Lis hjem, da hun ikke helt kunne gå af sig selv, i hvert fald ikke lige, eller den rigtige vej. That's what friends are for! Og så gav Miv chili cheese tops til mig og Janne. Dét er god stil. Sacha endte med at sove hos mig, sammen med Janne, og det var sådan set meget hyggeligt. Min mor har efterhånden vænnet sig til, at jeg har et par folk sovende, hver weekend. Welcome to the hotel Laura!
Jeg er stadig ikke i julehumør. Tværtimod, faktisk. Måske er det bare fordi, julemusik slet ikke er tiltalende, for tiden, at det er så svært for mig, at komme i den rigtige stemning. Jeg hører ikke andet end Pendulum og P!nk. Det tillader jeg mig til gengæld at blive ved med, da jeg skal varme op til Pendulum koncerten, d. 21. december. What an awesome way to start a vacation!
Nu tror jeg, jeg vil lade mit hoved få noget ro, og lukke alle de blandede følelser og tanker ude, for en stund, imens jeg forbereder mig mentalt og fysisk på en uge med kolde morgener, intet fravær og masser af ansvar. *sigh*
Fredag var jeg i Haslev, fordi Janne havde inviteret mig med til en fællesfødselsdag for to af hendes veninder. Det der med, at blive introduceret for så mange fremmede mennesker, på en aften, uden rigtig at kende nogen, har aldrig været a specialty of mine. Men jeg kom godt igennem aftenen, og Janne var allerede æskestiv, tidligt på aftenen, hvilket forbedrede min evne til at drikke hurtigt. Nu håber jeg ikke, hendes veninder mener, jeg er en stille, genert type, som de fleste normalt gør, første gang de møder mig. Hyggeligt var det i hvert fald, and I'm glad I went. ^^, Jeg kunne dog godt have undværet den påtvungne lap dance, jeg lavede på en fremmed dreng. Ak ja, selskabslege er the shit.
Jeg husker ikke meget fra i går, hvilket nok er grunden til, jeg har lidt ambivalente følelser over aftenen/natten. Det fjerner ligesom en del af det sjove, når man ikke kan huske hvor fuld og dum man var. Måske var jeg alligevel fuldere end jeg havde regnet med. Jeg husker dog at skulle slæbe en hvis stiv Lis hjem, da hun ikke helt kunne gå af sig selv, i hvert fald ikke lige, eller den rigtige vej. That's what friends are for! Og så gav Miv chili cheese tops til mig og Janne. Dét er god stil. Sacha endte med at sove hos mig, sammen med Janne, og det var sådan set meget hyggeligt. Min mor har efterhånden vænnet sig til, at jeg har et par folk sovende, hver weekend. Welcome to the hotel Laura!
Jeg er stadig ikke i julehumør. Tværtimod, faktisk. Måske er det bare fordi, julemusik slet ikke er tiltalende, for tiden, at det er så svært for mig, at komme i den rigtige stemning. Jeg hører ikke andet end Pendulum og P!nk. Det tillader jeg mig til gengæld at blive ved med, da jeg skal varme op til Pendulum koncerten, d. 21. december. What an awesome way to start a vacation!
Nu tror jeg, jeg vil lade mit hoved få noget ro, og lukke alle de blandede følelser og tanker ude, for en stund, imens jeg forbereder mig mentalt og fysisk på en uge med kolde morgener, intet fravær og masser af ansvar. *sigh*
02 December, 2010
Merry Christmas/P!nk-mas, everyone!
Det er lige gået op for mig, at sidste års jul er utrolig tåget for mig. Jeg husker den ikke rigtig. Det er muligvis fordi, jeg flyttede til Kolding i julen, og aldrig rigtig fik arbejdet min julestemning op, pga. mangel på pynt, had på julemusik og lange aftenvagter i Bilka Kolding. Yeah, that's probably it.
Derfor er jeg heller ikke helt overrasket over min manglende julegejst. Måske har jeg bare glemt hvordan, måske er julen bare ikke det samme, jo ældre jeg bliver. Jeg har ikke den fjerneste følelse af julestemning, i dag. Det var åbenbart ikke noget, der kom for at blive, den lille smule jeg havde i Haslev. Måske det ændrer sig, når min søster kommer hjem fra London, der kommer julepynt op i vores hus, og min farmor får købt mig en skrabekalender. Måske ikke.
Hvis ikke, holder jeg mig til mig og best friends plan om, at holde P!nk-mas istedet. That would be legendary. Så ville jeg have en god undskyldning for, at høre P!nk 24/7, for tiden.
Til gengæld ved jeg, at mig og min søsters julevideo hjalp mig meget, sidste år. Så derfor, vil jeg dele den med alle jer ikke-eksisterende followers! Enjoy some christmas spirit, i form af to afro-gospel søstre. Jeg vil håbe på, at der ikke bliver lagt mærke til min klamhed, men istedet vores to nuttede hunde, Lucky og Frostie. : D
Derfor er jeg heller ikke helt overrasket over min manglende julegejst. Måske har jeg bare glemt hvordan, måske er julen bare ikke det samme, jo ældre jeg bliver. Jeg har ikke den fjerneste følelse af julestemning, i dag. Det var åbenbart ikke noget, der kom for at blive, den lille smule jeg havde i Haslev. Måske det ændrer sig, når min søster kommer hjem fra London, der kommer julepynt op i vores hus, og min farmor får købt mig en skrabekalender. Måske ikke.
Hvis ikke, holder jeg mig til mig og best friends plan om, at holde P!nk-mas istedet. That would be legendary. Så ville jeg have en god undskyldning for, at høre P!nk 24/7, for tiden.
Til gengæld ved jeg, at mig og min søsters julevideo hjalp mig meget, sidste år. Så derfor, vil jeg dele den med alle jer ikke-eksisterende followers! Enjoy some christmas spirit, i form af to afro-gospel søstre. Jeg vil håbe på, at der ikke bliver lagt mærke til min klamhed, men istedet vores to nuttede hunde, Lucky og Frostie. : D
30 November, 2010
A series of amazing events
I dette øjeblik, kan jeg simpelthen ikke finde en sang, som beskriver mit nuværende humør. Jeg er fyldt med blandede følelser, og det gør mig både underligt tilpas, samtidig med hyperaktiv. I feel like pouring my heart out. Istedet, vil jeg dele tre billeder af min Kat Von D udklædning, som jeg havde på i lørdags, til Camillas Hollywoodfest. Jeg er ikke helt tilfreds med det færdige resultat, men det var desværre alt, jeg havde råd og tid til.
Resten af weekenden har jeg brugt på, at benægte at det snart er jul, hvilket i sidste ende fejlede, da jeg blev en smule fanget af julestemningen. Søndag trodsede jeg kulden og sneen for, at tage til Haslev, hen til Janne. Jeg havde egentlig planlagt, at jeg skulle hjem om aftenen, så jeg havde en jordisk chance for, at komme i skole om mandagen. Det valgte sneen at sætte en stopper for, så jeg besluttede mig for, at overnatte. Faktisk klager jeg slet ikke, det var et meget bedre alternativ. Da det så blev mandag, og vi havde brugt det meste af natten på, at drikke os lidt i hegnet og holde gyserfilmsmarathon, var der "desværre" heller ingen mulighed for, at Janne kunne komme i skole, så vi bagte vanillekranse, imens Janne ivrigt prøvede at fodre mit ikke-eksisterende julehumør. Jeg må dog indrømme, at der efter 12 timer med nissehue på, og en del julemusik, var en form for julehumør på vej. Hvem ved, måske sprudler det i vilden sky, i morgen, d. 1. december! Vi var også en tur i skoven, hvilket var hårdere end jeg havde troet, med så store bunker sne på vejene. Alt i alt, en succesfuld, forlænget weekend, som jeg har nydt enormt meget. Mit humør kom i hvert fald højt op, hvilket jeg kan takke Janne for, og hendes positive effekt på mig. Jeg er glad for, at jeg nu kan kalde hende min kæreste. Samtidig føles det stadig helt urealistisk, at bruge det ord. Kæreste. It feels good, og rigtigt. ^^,
Nu er de blandede følelser, der tidligere fyldte mig, efterhånden blevet erstattet af glæde og julestemning. Afleveringer og forhøjet fravær kan ikke få mit humør ned, og det nyder jeg. Jeg ser frem til en god weekend, i selskab af min kæreste - *smiles* - og en masse andre søde piger. More happiness, coming my way!
Jeg har forresten taget den store beslutning, at gå tilbage til dansk blogging. Der er alligevel ingen udenlandske folk, der får noget interessant ud af min blog, så jeg kan ikke længere se grunden til at blogge på engelsk. Jeg klarer mig alligevel bedre med danlish, på den måde får jeg både fodret mit modersprog og min kærlighed til engelsk.
Resten af weekenden har jeg brugt på, at benægte at det snart er jul, hvilket i sidste ende fejlede, da jeg blev en smule fanget af julestemningen. Søndag trodsede jeg kulden og sneen for, at tage til Haslev, hen til Janne. Jeg havde egentlig planlagt, at jeg skulle hjem om aftenen, så jeg havde en jordisk chance for, at komme i skole om mandagen. Det valgte sneen at sætte en stopper for, så jeg besluttede mig for, at overnatte. Faktisk klager jeg slet ikke, det var et meget bedre alternativ. Da det så blev mandag, og vi havde brugt det meste af natten på, at drikke os lidt i hegnet og holde gyserfilmsmarathon, var der "desværre" heller ingen mulighed for, at Janne kunne komme i skole, så vi bagte vanillekranse, imens Janne ivrigt prøvede at fodre mit ikke-eksisterende julehumør. Jeg må dog indrømme, at der efter 12 timer med nissehue på, og en del julemusik, var en form for julehumør på vej. Hvem ved, måske sprudler det i vilden sky, i morgen, d. 1. december! Vi var også en tur i skoven, hvilket var hårdere end jeg havde troet, med så store bunker sne på vejene. Alt i alt, en succesfuld, forlænget weekend, som jeg har nydt enormt meget. Mit humør kom i hvert fald højt op, hvilket jeg kan takke Janne for, og hendes positive effekt på mig. Jeg er glad for, at jeg nu kan kalde hende min kæreste. Samtidig føles det stadig helt urealistisk, at bruge det ord. Kæreste. It feels good, og rigtigt. ^^,
Nu er de blandede følelser, der tidligere fyldte mig, efterhånden blevet erstattet af glæde og julestemning. Afleveringer og forhøjet fravær kan ikke få mit humør ned, og det nyder jeg. Jeg ser frem til en god weekend, i selskab af min kæreste - *smiles* - og en masse andre søde piger. More happiness, coming my way!
Jeg har forresten taget den store beslutning, at gå tilbage til dansk blogging. Der er alligevel ingen udenlandske folk, der får noget interessant ud af min blog, så jeg kan ikke længere se grunden til at blogge på engelsk. Jeg klarer mig alligevel bedre med danlish, på den måde får jeg både fodret mit modersprog og min kærlighed til engelsk.
A moment of clarity
For everything that could have been
At least we took the ride
There's no relief in bitterness
Might as well let it die.
Jeg har bestemt mig for, at lørdag nat bliver den sidste smule closure, jeg havde brug for. Jeg er ked af, at vores samtale endte, som den gjorde, men jeg har ikke lyst til at fortryde noget, længere. Sket er sket, og istedet for, at bruge min tid på at leve i fortiden, vil jeg se fremad og glæde mig over min nuværende følelse af ekstase. I hope you have better luck with forgetting me now. I wish you the best.
26 November, 2010
Blogpost of awesome!
I'm officially loving this friday! Well, thursday, really. Janne came over to my place, she bought us Sunset, we went home to me, watched a movie, and had a good time. And just when I though the day couldn't get any better, she gave me the present she's been talking about for a few days, since I couldn't wait any longer. To my surprise, it was a ticket to the Pendulum concert in December! Best present, ever. ^^, I didn't get to see Pendulum at this years Roskilde Festival, which I've been quite down about, ever since. Well, all is well, now! Can't say how ecstatic I am, to finally get to see them, and even better, I get to go with her. December 21st is going to be a great day!
24 November, 2010
Miss Von D, under construction!
Right, so.. Time has gone by extremely fast, and already, the Hollywood party is getting close. It's already this Saturday, and I'm stressing out about my costume. I bought a corset, but I discovered what a stupid idea that was, after trying it on a few times, and realizing I could hardly breathe, let alone drink in it. And I'm planning on getting a bit shitfaced, so I've had to find another outfit. So far I've been through my whole closet, turned it upside down, and this is what I came up with;
It doesn't look much like Kat yet, I know that. But keep in mind, the make up and tattoos are missing. They're pretty much the two most important things. Camilla is doing my makeup, 'cause of her awesome skills, which I lack. For the tattoos, I'm a bit screwed. I'm planning on making them - as in, drawing them - onto a pair of see-through leggings, but it'll take me ages, and of course they won't look all that great. But that's probably all I have time and money for.
We'll see how it works out!
The quality is a bit crappy, but all in all, it's a see-through top, and a vest to cover up most of my body,
so I won't look like a complete... Well, self-confident Kat. It's not as see-through as it is on the picture!
It doesn't look much like Kat yet, I know that. But keep in mind, the make up and tattoos are missing. They're pretty much the two most important things. Camilla is doing my makeup, 'cause of her awesome skills, which I lack. For the tattoos, I'm a bit screwed. I'm planning on making them - as in, drawing them - onto a pair of see-through leggings, but it'll take me ages, and of course they won't look all that great. But that's probably all I have time and money for.
We'll see how it works out!
22 November, 2010
Poems of the crappy kind
My mind is a wondrous place
I get lost sometimes
And it's hard to find my way back
Back to reality
Back on track
But I'm fighting myself
Every day
To become a better me
For me and someone else.
I always get the urge to let you in, whenever you're not around. Feels like I'm fighting an endless war inside of myself, and whenever I get to the turning point, where I have a chance of facing my fears, I flee and hide behind the walls I've spent so many years building. Stupid girl.
21 November, 2010
How to end a vicious cycle?
Guess what? More emotional and self-loathing crap, coming your way! Hurray. This is all for myself, peeps. Time for some self therapy, since it's the only kind of therapy I can afford, at the time. Ha.
Seems like my head is one big mess, these days. I'm getting pretty tired of living in my own, sad, little bubble, scared to open myself up the the world and to someone who deserves it.
Get over yourself, Laura. I'm so sick of always falling back into my old patterns of keeping people at a distance, afraid to let anyone get too close to me. Especially when I really wanna let her in, and show her that she's special to me. I can't stand the thought of myself getting in the way of something I want, once again. I've tried it too many times, and I need to change, this time. I need to become a better Me, a Me who doesn't hate herself to pieces, a Me that isn't emotionally handicapped. How can that be so god damn hard? Insecurity is so last year, why didn't I get the memo?
Also, I don't think it's helping at all, that I'm back at square one with reading my ex girlfriend's blog. I'm complete and totally over my depressing "take me back"-phase - well, over her, all in all - but it seems I still care about knowing how she's doing. I should probably find a solution for that, 'cause it's clearly not making anything better, and I really don't see the point in doing it.
Seems like my head is one big mess, these days. I'm getting pretty tired of living in my own, sad, little bubble, scared to open myself up the the world and to someone who deserves it.
Get over yourself, Laura. I'm so sick of always falling back into my old patterns of keeping people at a distance, afraid to let anyone get too close to me. Especially when I really wanna let her in, and show her that she's special to me. I can't stand the thought of myself getting in the way of something I want, once again. I've tried it too many times, and I need to change, this time. I need to become a better Me, a Me who doesn't hate herself to pieces, a Me that isn't emotionally handicapped. How can that be so god damn hard? Insecurity is so last year, why didn't I get the memo?
Also, I don't think it's helping at all, that I'm back at square one with reading my ex girlfriend's blog. I'm complete and totally over my depressing "take me back"-phase - well, over her, all in all - but it seems I still care about knowing how she's doing. I should probably find a solution for that, 'cause it's clearly not making anything better, and I really don't see the point in doing it.
Note to self; start making sense, from now on.
19 November, 2010
Fighting the cold weather with songs
The weather is shitty today. Well, again today. I sure haven't missed the danish winter, not even the snow is real. The fact that I had to ride my bike through the snow and rain today didn't make it better. Can't say this tiny bit of snow made me miss christmas any more. I don't know what's gotten into me, but at the time, I'm not looking forward to christmas. I'm hoping it'll pass when me and best friend start wearing our christmas hats to school. I think it's all this school and money mess that's gotten in the way of my christmas spirit. If that ever passes, I'll be sure to let you know!
Either way, I'm looking forward to this weekend. I actually had plans about staying in tonight, having my own, private movie and series marathon. "Sadly" Janne got in the way of that when she convinced me to go with her and Sacha to a LGBT get-together. Not really complaining, I don't mind the great company. ^^, Tomorrow we're going to celebrate Lili's birthday, freezing our asses off in an amusement park. Hopefully we'll have too much fun to notice the cold! Afterwards, at about midnight, we're joining best friend, Sabine and one of my classmates at CC, once again.
Should be a great night! *fingers crossed*
Since the cold weather is already doing its best to ruin my mood, I'm fighting it by finding warmth in songs that remind me of summer and spring. *trance*
Either way, I'm looking forward to this weekend. I actually had plans about staying in tonight, having my own, private movie and series marathon. "Sadly" Janne got in the way of that when she convinced me to go with her and Sacha to a LGBT get-together. Not really complaining, I don't mind the great company. ^^, Tomorrow we're going to celebrate Lili's birthday, freezing our asses off in an amusement park. Hopefully we'll have too much fun to notice the cold! Afterwards, at about midnight, we're joining best friend, Sabine and one of my classmates at CC, once again.
Should be a great night! *fingers crossed*
Since the cold weather is already doing its best to ruin my mood, I'm fighting it by finding warmth in songs that remind me of summer and spring. *trance*
17 November, 2010
The cold mornings are getting to me
I've been all over the place, the last few days, and I can't quite figure out why. It seems like my head is one big mess, these days, and it's making my whole body ache. I'm extremely tired all the time, which makes it hard to focus on anything at all.
I keep thinking back at my last relationship, right at the start, to figure out if all of these feelings of confusion and a sick need to let my guards up are normal. They probably are, considering how I always end up in my own little bubble. But I can't quite figure out if it's just the cold weather, long school-days and dark mornings that are just giving me a hard time, or if it's something different. I can't be sure. Maybe it's the fact that I've been listening to The Fray and Mae nonstop, the past few nights. Most of all, I should probably visit my therapist, but I've decided to wait until the start of next year, seeing as how I'm broke, and my parents are too. I'd feel too mean taking any more of their money. So, for now, I'll have to figure out my problems for myself, and try to work on them the best I can. Even though I've never done that, and always end up running from them instead. The problem is, that's not a possibility right now. I have to face them. And that scares the hell out of me. I don't feel like facing anything, and I don't feel like taking my life seriously right now. All I need is zero responsibility for myself, my life and my actions. And at the same time, what I mostly long for are boundaries, and strict plans about how the hell I'm gonna control my life and myself.
I took a few pictures last night, just fooling around with some whiskey and a pen. My self esteem has taking a toll for the worse, so I'm in no condition to judge them. All I see are imperfections, and my inner perfectionist is going crazy. And yes, I know they're "risky" or what you'd call them, but that was what I was in the mood for.
I keep thinking back at my last relationship, right at the start, to figure out if all of these feelings of confusion and a sick need to let my guards up are normal. They probably are, considering how I always end up in my own little bubble. But I can't quite figure out if it's just the cold weather, long school-days and dark mornings that are just giving me a hard time, or if it's something different. I can't be sure. Maybe it's the fact that I've been listening to The Fray and Mae nonstop, the past few nights. Most of all, I should probably visit my therapist, but I've decided to wait until the start of next year, seeing as how I'm broke, and my parents are too. I'd feel too mean taking any more of their money. So, for now, I'll have to figure out my problems for myself, and try to work on them the best I can. Even though I've never done that, and always end up running from them instead. The problem is, that's not a possibility right now. I have to face them. And that scares the hell out of me. I don't feel like facing anything, and I don't feel like taking my life seriously right now. All I need is zero responsibility for myself, my life and my actions. And at the same time, what I mostly long for are boundaries, and strict plans about how the hell I'm gonna control my life and myself.
I took a few pictures last night, just fooling around with some whiskey and a pen. My self esteem has taking a toll for the worse, so I'm in no condition to judge them. All I see are imperfections, and my inner perfectionist is going crazy. And yes, I know they're "risky" or what you'd call them, but that was what I was in the mood for.
15 November, 2010
Soundtrack to my sunday night
Oh, what a sunday. Feels like my mind is already feeling the monday that's coming up. Well, technically it >is< monday already, considering it's past midnight. I don't feel ready for school and responsibility yet. More than anything, I don't feel like sleeping alone, after getting used to having Janne by my side. All this everyday life isn't all that appealing, after so many great weekends. If only I could live in a world filled with Fridays and Saturdays, I'd be happy. Wishful thinking won't get me anywhere, I think I'll go to sleep now, and dream about this week going faster than ever, and look forward to another weekend with Lili's birthday and more awesome company, coming up. Well, first of all, I'm looking forward to this wednesday night, when me and best friend are going to the "pre" premiere of Harry Potter. It's gonna be amazing!
Night, everyone.
13 November, 2010
My bloody Friday
Can't remember when I've last spent a saturday at home. It's probably not a bad thing to detoxicate my body, every once in a while.
My bigsis is the luckiest girl right now, she's at the Paramore concert in London, at the O2 Arena. Should've gone with her, but I couldn't possibly afford it, sadly. Wish I was standing right next to her right now, listening to Hayley's awesome voice and beautiful face!
I went to my school's Halloween party last night, dressed as a vampire. It was awesome! Seriously scared about how much I love my fangs. I'll probably end up wearing them to school, like one of those vampire-freaks who are so obsessed that they dress like a vampire. Wait, I already am! Haha.
After the Halloween party, me and best friend joined Janne and Sabine at this gaybar called Vela, for some beer. I was already pretty drunk, so I made the wise choice not to drink too much, and I actually remember the whole evening, which is new! Ha. Janne slept at my place, which sort of saved me from doing something stupid, seeing as how I ended up extremely moody, at the end of the night. Don't know why, really. I guess my head's sort of a mess, at the time. And my money problems are getting the best of me. Wish they wouldn't.
Me and best friend, all vamped up!
Already getting my Mike Posner groove on, warming up for the concert me and Katrine are going to in March. Looking forward to seeing him! I rarely like his kind of music, but he's actually quite awesome. His new album hasn't disappointed me, luckily!
My bigsis is the luckiest girl right now, she's at the Paramore concert in London, at the O2 Arena. Should've gone with her, but I couldn't possibly afford it, sadly. Wish I was standing right next to her right now, listening to Hayley's awesome voice and beautiful face!
I went to my school's Halloween party last night, dressed as a vampire. It was awesome! Seriously scared about how much I love my fangs. I'll probably end up wearing them to school, like one of those vampire-freaks who are so obsessed that they dress like a vampire. Wait, I already am! Haha.
After the Halloween party, me and best friend joined Janne and Sabine at this gaybar called Vela, for some beer. I was already pretty drunk, so I made the wise choice not to drink too much, and I actually remember the whole evening, which is new! Ha. Janne slept at my place, which sort of saved me from doing something stupid, seeing as how I ended up extremely moody, at the end of the night. Don't know why, really. I guess my head's sort of a mess, at the time. And my money problems are getting the best of me. Wish they wouldn't.
Me and best friend, all vamped up!
Already getting my Mike Posner groove on, warming up for the concert me and Katrine are going to in March. Looking forward to seeing him! I rarely like his kind of music, but he's actually quite awesome. His new album hasn't disappointed me, luckily!
10 November, 2010
Fangtastic!
Me and best friend decided we couldn't spend another Halloween party just dressing as zombies. So we went to a costume store today, after school and bought fangs and more theater blood! I'm loving the fangs, they're sort of awesome. Maybe I should consider getting them made permanently? Haha!
Now, all I need to find is a slutty outfit for my vampire. Something dark and scary! Shouldn't be too difficult, considering I rarely wear anything colourful. x) Anyway, I know it's not Halloween anymore, but my school is having a Halloween party this Friday. We're kinda slow, I guess.
Now, all I need to find is a slutty outfit for my vampire. Something dark and scary! Shouldn't be too difficult, considering I rarely wear anything colourful. x) Anyway, I know it's not Halloween anymore, but my school is having a Halloween party this Friday. We're kinda slow, I guess.
09 November, 2010
Never again!
About two weeks ago, I had this great idea that me and Janne should watch Paranormal Activity. And so we did. We got a bit freaked out, and couldn't quite figure out which of the different endings we liked the most. But it didn't terrify me that much, and I sort of forgot it, in all my happiness and positivity. Well, after watching the first one, we then decided that we had to watch the second one in the cinema. And that's what we did, last night. Holy F, that movie is creepy! Mostly the little boy just freaks me out. I hate kids, it's mean, but I really do. They're always the creepiest in the movies, even when they're not trying to be! Also, I hated that you never really found out if the sweet, innocent dog was okay. Animals getting hurt in horror movies - that's something my heart just can't stand! So, all in all, I'm sort of thrilled that Janne decided to sleep at my place, 'cause if she hadn't, I wouldn't have slept at all. Well, we didn't sleep that much, basically just stayed up talking, meheh. But sleep's overrated anyway, when a sweet girl is lying next to you. ^^,
So, I've been in desperate need of some new music, lately. Haven't really gotten around to finding anything much, except the new Linkin Park album. It's amazing! I've seriously re-fallen in love with them. The beat to the first song is epic, and I listen to it almost every day when I walk home from school, feeling like I could rule the world. Ha! Also, I love their versatility, which they show perfectly in song number two. The lyrics are beautiful, too.
So, I've been in desperate need of some new music, lately. Haven't really gotten around to finding anything much, except the new Linkin Park album. It's amazing! I've seriously re-fallen in love with them. The beat to the first song is epic, and I listen to it almost every day when I walk home from school, feeling like I could rule the world. Ha! Also, I love their versatility, which they show perfectly in song number two. The lyrics are beautiful, too.
07 November, 2010
Monday, stay away!
I have that crappy feeling in my stomach that's telling me to slow my life down, and take some control. The thing is, I'm already doing okay with finding the balance between partying and going to school. The downside is that I'm smoking more and more, and my wallet is suffering from that. I haven't checked my bank account for about 1 or 2 months, and I'm not planning on doing that for a long time. My parents just had to spend 10.000DKK on getting our car fixed, so I'm looking forward to a cheap-ass, poor christmas. Yeah, that sounds extremely shallow and selfish, but I sort of don't care, 'cause I'm mostly thinking about the fact that I'm not gonna be able to buy my friends and family the gifts they deserve. And that makes me angry. I'm sick of money always controlling my life. And that reminds me of something I randomly wrote, a few weeks back;
"People might think that money rules the world, but they're wrong. Words do. Words can have a far greater effect on things than a piece of paper. We should start paying each other in kind, loving words, instead of meaningless pieces of paper, with random presidents and kings and queens on them. The world would be a much brighter place, if we did."
- If only that was completely true. Money >does< rule the world, and it makes me sad and aggressive. I've never been able to spend my money on random stuff that makes me happy, without paying the consequences. I know I sound like a selfish brat right now, but it's hard sometimes, to charish the things I have, when people around me are throwing their money around and not having to worry about not being able to survive the next month. All I really want is a cute little apartment in Copenhagen, for my friends and a sweet girl to enjoy. And that's not gonna become a reality the next couple of years.
Wow. That's enough whining from me, I guess.
I did, however, have a great weekend. Epic, really. Sweet people around me and happiness. Minimum responsibility, that's what I live for. I'd like a couple of thousand days more like this weekend. I'm not ready for another crappy monday, with school and responsibility. Come back, weekend. Come back parties, alcohol, kisses and laughter. I do love my life. I just have to remind myself of that, sometimes.
"People might think that money rules the world, but they're wrong. Words do. Words can have a far greater effect on things than a piece of paper. We should start paying each other in kind, loving words, instead of meaningless pieces of paper, with random presidents and kings and queens on them. The world would be a much brighter place, if we did."
- If only that was completely true. Money >does< rule the world, and it makes me sad and aggressive. I've never been able to spend my money on random stuff that makes me happy, without paying the consequences. I know I sound like a selfish brat right now, but it's hard sometimes, to charish the things I have, when people around me are throwing their money around and not having to worry about not being able to survive the next month. All I really want is a cute little apartment in Copenhagen, for my friends and a sweet girl to enjoy. And that's not gonna become a reality the next couple of years.
Wow. That's enough whining from me, I guess.
I did, however, have a great weekend. Epic, really. Sweet people around me and happiness. Minimum responsibility, that's what I live for. I'd like a couple of thousand days more like this weekend. I'm not ready for another crappy monday, with school and responsibility. Come back, weekend. Come back parties, alcohol, kisses and laughter. I do love my life. I just have to remind myself of that, sometimes.
06 November, 2010
No memory, whatsoever!
Drunk times, last night. Actually, so drunk, I can't even remember 90% of the night. I'm thinking that's a good thing, 'cause best friend told me I puked outside of Masken, where we got free beer and an awesome hat! Too many shots, in too little time. But I'm not complaining! My hangover isn't that bad, and I'm gonna drown it in more alcohol, later. We're drinking Mojito's, at our CC warm up! Awesomeness.
I must've done something right, 'cause I woke op with a card in my bag, that gives me free access to Be Proud, tonight. Sadly, it only lasts for tonight, and I'm going to CC with a bunch of sweet girls. I'd choose that over Proud, any day!
05 November, 2010
J-dag!
This blogpost deserves to be in danish, considering I'm celebrating a danish tradition, tonight!
Endelig er J-dag ankommet! Mig og best friend regner med, at ramme Masken ved en 20-tiden, og vente på de andre skanks. Det gik lige op for mig, at jeg har tilbragt mine forrige to J-dage på fyn og i jylland. No more, I say! Kbh, for altid. ♥ Jeg glæder mig som en lille pige til, at se vognen og nissepigerne! Og jeg glæder mig rent faktisk også til, at finde ud af, om jeg kan lide juleøl i år. Jeg er efterhånden blevet ret glad for øl, så hvem ved? Måske de falder i min smag, i år.
Endelig er J-dag ankommet! Mig og best friend regner med, at ramme Masken ved en 20-tiden, og vente på de andre skanks. Det gik lige op for mig, at jeg har tilbragt mine forrige to J-dage på fyn og i jylland. No more, I say! Kbh, for altid. ♥ Jeg glæder mig som en lille pige til, at se vognen og nissepigerne! Og jeg glæder mig rent faktisk også til, at finde ud af, om jeg kan lide juleøl i år. Jeg er efterhånden blevet ret glad for øl, så hvem ved? Måske de falder i min smag, i år.
Happy J-dag, everyone! Cheers.
No sleep, ever again.
This time in danish, since I don't have the patience to translate it, and my heart's pounding way too fast.
Jeg starter altid med at ligge i min seng, imens jeg prøver at falde i søvn - I drømmen. Så begynder jeg at sove, og drømmer - stadigvæk I drømmen! - og døser stille hen. Pludselig går det op for mig, at jeg er igang med at have et mareridt, men jeg er fanget i drømmen, og mine øjenlåg er for tunge til at åbne. Så jeg skriger febrilsk, og kan ikke gøre andet end, at vente på denne nats rædsler. I det var det voldtægt, og min familie som ikke stolede på mig, eller ville hjælpe mig.
Jeg sad i en bus, der var utallige creepy guys, overalt, som ville have mig til at sidde ved siden af dem. Så fandt jeg en dame, jeg satte mig lettet ned ved siden af. Hun smilede og vi talte lidt.. så kørte bussen igennem en kæmpe tågesky, hvor jeg intet kunne se, og da den var ovre, var der en mand som begyndte at tage på mig, og jeg bad om hjælp fra damen, men hun var ligeglad. Han tog mig på brysterne, og de andre holdt mig fast.. and so on. *gåsehud*
Derefter vågnede jeg af mine egne skrig, altså, fra drømmen >inden i drømmen<, da min mor hørte mig og kom ind på mit værelse. Jeg kunne ikke tale, fordi jeg græd så meget, og hun forstod intet. Så hun mente at jeg overreagerede, og ignorerede det. Sådan gik det med hele min familie.
Så skiftede det hele scene, og jeg skulle spise aftensmad med mine søde piger, inklusive Janne. vi dækkede bord, og da jeg gik rundt om bordet, for at nusse Janne på armen, for at vise en form for kærtegn, rykkede hun sig væk. Sådan fortsatte det i et pænt stykke tid, til jeg blev emo og opgav. Så holdte vi vidst fest, og alle andre hyggede og morede sig, men jeg tænkte stadig på mit afslag, og på mit mareridt, og fik den kolde skulder af alle.
That's all I remember. And then I woke up, this time to THE REAL LIFE, and forgot how to breathe normally. *sigh* This is why I don't sleep. These nightmares have been going on for quite a few days now, and every morning I forget about them, after fainting into sleep, at about 3 or 4 am. Grrreat. Welcome, insomnia and fear of closing my eyes again.
Clearly, I can't sleep alone, anymore. Counting on Mae to help me relax, again.
Jeg starter altid med at ligge i min seng, imens jeg prøver at falde i søvn - I drømmen. Så begynder jeg at sove, og drømmer - stadigvæk I drømmen! - og døser stille hen. Pludselig går det op for mig, at jeg er igang med at have et mareridt, men jeg er fanget i drømmen, og mine øjenlåg er for tunge til at åbne. Så jeg skriger febrilsk, og kan ikke gøre andet end, at vente på denne nats rædsler. I det var det voldtægt, og min familie som ikke stolede på mig, eller ville hjælpe mig.
Jeg sad i en bus, der var utallige creepy guys, overalt, som ville have mig til at sidde ved siden af dem. Så fandt jeg en dame, jeg satte mig lettet ned ved siden af. Hun smilede og vi talte lidt.. så kørte bussen igennem en kæmpe tågesky, hvor jeg intet kunne se, og da den var ovre, var der en mand som begyndte at tage på mig, og jeg bad om hjælp fra damen, men hun var ligeglad. Han tog mig på brysterne, og de andre holdt mig fast.. and so on. *gåsehud*
Derefter vågnede jeg af mine egne skrig, altså, fra drømmen >inden i drømmen<, da min mor hørte mig og kom ind på mit værelse. Jeg kunne ikke tale, fordi jeg græd så meget, og hun forstod intet. Så hun mente at jeg overreagerede, og ignorerede det. Sådan gik det med hele min familie.
Så skiftede det hele scene, og jeg skulle spise aftensmad med mine søde piger, inklusive Janne. vi dækkede bord, og da jeg gik rundt om bordet, for at nusse Janne på armen, for at vise en form for kærtegn, rykkede hun sig væk. Sådan fortsatte det i et pænt stykke tid, til jeg blev emo og opgav. Så holdte vi vidst fest, og alle andre hyggede og morede sig, men jeg tænkte stadig på mit afslag, og på mit mareridt, og fik den kolde skulder af alle.
That's all I remember. And then I woke up, this time to THE REAL LIFE, and forgot how to breathe normally. *sigh* This is why I don't sleep. These nightmares have been going on for quite a few days now, and every morning I forget about them, after fainting into sleep, at about 3 or 4 am. Grrreat. Welcome, insomnia and fear of closing my eyes again.
Clearly, I can't sleep alone, anymore. Counting on Mae to help me relax, again.
04 November, 2010
Ups and downs go hand in hand
Today I spent about 800DKK on my ticket home from Haslev, thanks to the shitty train lady, who gave my a penalty fee for not paying the right amount of money for my ticket. How could >I< know that I should've paid more? I feel completely screwed over, like always, by DSB. Retards, every single one of them. Well, me and my mom've already sent them a complaint letter, so I'll just cross my fingers and hope that they'll cancel and forget about it all. Ha! Not the way I was expecting my trip to Haslev to end, after being so happy and high on her company.
I love coming home from Haslev, to find my bed's been invaded by muddy footprints, left by my beloved dog. Thanks, Frostie! Just what I needed.
Kinda strange to run into your ex girlfriend's ex girlfriend, when she was probably one of the people you'd least expect to run into. Not complaining, though! She's sweet, and we catched up and drank some more beer. I've already met Anna and Ann in Haslev.. What's up with that? Had completely forgotten that they lived in Haslev! Nicely done, Laura. Haha. Guess Janne isn't the only awesome person in that little town!
Still, no worries! I'm gonna go back to my pink, floating cloud now, and get back to thinking happy thoughts.
I love coming home from Haslev, to find my bed's been invaded by muddy footprints, left by my beloved dog. Thanks, Frostie! Just what I needed.
Kinda strange to run into your ex girlfriend's ex girlfriend, when she was probably one of the people you'd least expect to run into. Not complaining, though! She's sweet, and we catched up and drank some more beer. I've already met Anna and Ann in Haslev.. What's up with that? Had completely forgotten that they lived in Haslev! Nicely done, Laura. Haha. Guess Janne isn't the only awesome person in that little town!
Still, no worries! I'm gonna go back to my pink, floating cloud now, and get back to thinking happy thoughts.
Got you anyway
I'm gonna say that I've been taken over
No, let's go again
You tell me when
And I'll be taking over.
I'm gonna say that I've been taken over
No, let's go again
You tell me when
And I'll be taking over.
01 November, 2010
Snap out of it, grrrl
My mother always tells me that intelligent people have the ability to feel a higher state of happiness. Sadly, that also means they feel a deeper state of sadness, when it hits them. I'm not saying I feel intelligent, 'cause I really don't, but my moodswings tell otherwise. On any other day, I'd be able to look at this from a positive angle, and remember how happy I can be when I am, but right now this monday's gotten the best of me. For now, at least. Tomorrow's a new day, and I'm looking forward to waiting in line for me and best friend's tickets to the world premiere of H.P. We've been waiting for this day for a long time! And I'm hoping to see that sweet girl, too. That'll lighten up my mood, better than anything else.
"Never played truth or dare.
I'd have to check my mirror to see if I'm still here."
- Ahh. Time for some more Billy Talent.
"Never played truth or dare.
I'd have to check my mirror to see if I'm still here."
- Ahh. Time for some more Billy Talent.
Aggression, out of nowhere
This day started out stressful and crappy, I woke up late and had to ride my bike to best friend's place, where we were gonna take the bus to our school. Well, we changed our plans, after spending way too much time eating our own weight in food and soda. Instead of school, we went shopping at the mall, to cure our sickness. I always end up spending way too much money when we go shopping, but today I really needed to buy some happiness in the shape of movies, cd's and clothes. So, I ended up buying The Kooks - Konk, two shirts, Fight Club, Fucking Åmål, Death Proof and Milk. Yay.
Now I'm just sitting in my bed, listening to some of my old, angry music, 'cause that's what I'm in the mood for. I seriously don't know what happened to my mood, must be the lack of a social life and humour. Oh well, at least I can get some of my aggression out by listening to Thrice, Blindside, Three Days Grace, Silverstein, KoRn, you name it. Now I kind of understand why I was such a downer back then, listening to this music. Ha.
I feel like doing something stupid. Luckily I think I learned from my mistakes, for once, so I'm gonna stop myself from doing something irrational. No more, I say. Let's stick to the music, for now.
Now I'm just sitting in my bed, listening to some of my old, angry music, 'cause that's what I'm in the mood for. I seriously don't know what happened to my mood, must be the lack of a social life and humour. Oh well, at least I can get some of my aggression out by listening to Thrice, Blindside, Three Days Grace, Silverstein, KoRn, you name it. Now I kind of understand why I was such a downer back then, listening to this music. Ha.
I feel like doing something stupid. Luckily I think I learned from my mistakes, for once, so I'm gonna stop myself from doing something irrational. No more, I say. Let's stick to the music, for now.
Ramble should be my middle name
I feel like doing everything and nothing with you.
The greatest part about that, is that I know it doesn't feel awkward to do "nothing" with you. I'm comfortable enough around you to just lie and talk for hours, and that rarely happens to me. I appreciate your company a whole lot. Now, all I need to do is come out of my shell and remind myself to take action, whenever I feel the urge, and kiss you. There were quite a few times last night, where I felt like holding your hand or just be close to you, but I couldn't get myself to act on it, because I was so scared you'd think I was too clingy or cheesy, or that the people around us would tease us and call us boring. But I'll never find out, unless I give it a go. Fear won't lead me anywhere. Sure, I'm getting better day by day, but it wouldn't hurt me to speed up the process a little. All I know is that you're really growing on me, and I'm enjoying it.
I've listened to a lot of A Fine Frenzy, tonight. Just switched to Tegan and Sara. Great music really does cure a hangover! Not as much as great company, though. Oh well, I think I'll go back to my trance, now.
The greatest part about that, is that I know it doesn't feel awkward to do "nothing" with you. I'm comfortable enough around you to just lie and talk for hours, and that rarely happens to me. I appreciate your company a whole lot. Now, all I need to do is come out of my shell and remind myself to take action, whenever I feel the urge, and kiss you. There were quite a few times last night, where I felt like holding your hand or just be close to you, but I couldn't get myself to act on it, because I was so scared you'd think I was too clingy or cheesy, or that the people around us would tease us and call us boring. But I'll never find out, unless I give it a go. Fear won't lead me anywhere. Sure, I'm getting better day by day, but it wouldn't hurt me to speed up the process a little. All I know is that you're really growing on me, and I'm enjoying it.
I've listened to a lot of A Fine Frenzy, tonight. Just switched to Tegan and Sara. Great music really does cure a hangover! Not as much as great company, though. Oh well, I think I'll go back to my trance, now.
31 October, 2010
A weekend to remember
This weekend's been s o awesome. I went to a huge house in Sorø with my classmates, from friday to saturday, where we got extremely drunk, played playstation and listened to great music. The next day, me and best friend started drinking at about 1PM and I didn't stop until 6AM, the next day. Janne picked us up and we drove to my place, where Tobias joined us for some cherrywine/cola, before we went over to Sabine, to dress up like a group of zombies, for the Halloween party at CC. We looked awesome, btw! Pictures are comin' right up. Since I was already drunk - and had been the whole day - it didn't take me long to get so shitfaced I can't remember half of the night. That's probably not all bad, considering my camera died and the bar ran out of whiskey. Not good! Well, all in all, I wish I could turn back time and expereince this weekend all over again. Janne and Toby slept at my place, and we woke up looking like we really were dead, but started curing the nausea with a horror movie and a lot of soda. This sunday had all the potential in the world, to be a great day, but when Janne and Toby went home, all the potential disappeared. Now I'm just sitting here, reminiscing all by myself, with the company of my restlessness. I wish I could go to Haslev and start a hangover-marathon with Janne, like we did a few weekends ago. She's quite addicting, really. "I'm smitten, I'm bitten, I'm hooked, I'm cooked, I'm stuck like glue! You make me, make me hungry for you."
Well, we took about 100 photos on the trip, but they aren't all that funny or interesting, so I thought 4 would be enough. Drunk people tend to take crappy pictures. :'D
And now, for some CC pictures! Creepy looking zombies coming up;
27 October, 2010
Rambling, followed by music
When I look back on the last few months, a lot has happened and changed in my life. It sort of makes me anxious, but at the same time, even though I can't quite figure out how I'm feeling right now, I still feel like I've come far. I spent - what seemed to me - a long time beating myself up over me and my ex girlfriend's break up, and as soon as I decided that life was too short for that, new people started entering my life. I met Joy, this sweet, sweet girl, who helped me a lot, in so little time. I guess you could say we were both healthy and not healthy for each other, but I'm glad it all worked out for the best, in the end. She's happy with her girlfriend now, and I wish her all the best, 'cause she's still a dear friend to me, even though we don't talk that much, atm. But what's even more surprising, is how fast I started letting go of my ex girlfriend, sort of "over night". I went from hating myself and begging her to take me back, to now feeling like it's a closed chapter in my life. A chapter that I'll always learn something from, but not a chapter that I need in my future. Then something strange happened. I met Janne. And I started out thinking "wow, this girl's a lot like me, in the strangest ways", and she's already a big part of my weeks and thoughts. She's really growing on me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is.. It really is strange how the greatest and sweetest people walk into your life, when you least expect it. I can't complain, really.
Just felt like getting that out. Yup. That felt good. ^^
Anyway, since this post has been nothing more than random rambling for no one to enjoy, I figured I'd end it with three songs I'm quite addicted to, atm. Hope that helps this post become a little more exciting! Haha. I'd forgotten all about Mae, until a few days ago, when I decided to find some of my old, old music and listen to it. Some of their new music is quite amazing. Well, almost every song they've made is!
I guess what I'm trying to say is.. It really is strange how the greatest and sweetest people walk into your life, when you least expect it. I can't complain, really.
Just felt like getting that out. Yup. That felt good. ^^
Anyway, since this post has been nothing more than random rambling for no one to enjoy, I figured I'd end it with three songs I'm quite addicted to, atm. Hope that helps this post become a little more exciting! Haha. I'd forgotten all about Mae, until a few days ago, when I decided to find some of my old, old music and listen to it. Some of their new music is quite amazing. Well, almost every song they've made is!
Visions of pills that put you in a loving trance
I've spent most of my night editing pictures and listening to Mae. My inner perfectionist got the best of me, seeing how I spent this much time editing, and now I feel like I haven't spent the night doing anything at all. And that's sort of left me with this empty feeling, somewhere in my stomach. Perhaps it'll go away once I've posted these photos and started getting mentally ready for school, tomorrow. I'd much rather be in Haslev to cheer her up. Oh well, hopefully I'll get the chance soon. ^^, So, as I just said, I thought I'd share a few of the photos I took today, when I fooled around with the whiskey Janne bought me, and my mother's pills, that I just think are too cute. They're nothing special, but here they are;
The thing is, that to most people this probably seems like I'm - well, we're - just in a hurry to move on and get over the ghosts of our past, but I truly don't think that's what we're doing. I don't need a rebound, and I wasn't looking for anything when she walked into my life. It's like they say, you shouldn't throw away the possibility of happiness. And I'm sure as hell not gonna do that, just because it somehow seems like I'm just moving onto the next girl. That's not what i'm doing. I can still work on myself, work on being strong and independent, while I have this sweet girl to feed me happiness. So why shouldn't I? The truth is, we're probably more alike than we've yet to know. And that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I don't think it will be.
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
The thing is, that to most people this probably seems like I'm - well, we're - just in a hurry to move on and get over the ghosts of our past, but I truly don't think that's what we're doing. I don't need a rebound, and I wasn't looking for anything when she walked into my life. It's like they say, you shouldn't throw away the possibility of happiness. And I'm sure as hell not gonna do that, just because it somehow seems like I'm just moving onto the next girl. That's not what i'm doing. I can still work on myself, work on being strong and independent, while I have this sweet girl to feed me happiness. So why shouldn't I? The truth is, we're probably more alike than we've yet to know. And that doesn't have to be a bad thing. I don't think it will be.
25 October, 2010
Everyone's allowed to dream, right?
Some day, I'd like to make lyrics and melodies as magic as my favourite bands and artists do. Lyrics that move people, that they can relate to. Words don't always come easy, to me, but when they do, it feels darn great. At the time, I'm sort of feeling a writer's block, and I'm not loving it. I miss writing my small, crappy poems and texts that no one but me would read. Haven't done that for a while. Maybe it's because I always feel like writing them when I'm sad and down. And that's not the case, right now. At least I'm more happy than I'm sad. I really don't have the time to be a downer, when there's sweet people and beautiful music to cheer me up. Nope. (Remember that, Laura!)
It's a dark night on the West Coast
Then a soft breeze as the sun rose
Then the phone rang, like a gunshot
Like a siren on the beach rock
There's a message at the river
A certain package here to the deliver
When the day breaks after nightfall
I will be there, you know I will.
*sigh* Bring me inspiration and creativity, please!
It's a dark night on the West Coast
Then a soft breeze as the sun rose
Then the phone rang, like a gunshot
Like a siren on the beach rock
There's a message at the river
A certain package here to the deliver
When the day breaks after nightfall
I will be there, you know I will.
*sigh* Bring me inspiration and creativity, please!
23 October, 2010
Long time no see, old friends.
Ahh. I've missed these guys. Their new album "Invented" is just how I hoped it would be. They haven't changed a bit, and I love 'em for that! Sadly, the quality of the song is quite crappy, but it's all I could find. It's still great! Take a listen.
22 October, 2010
There's the strangest excitement today
Seems like I keep forgetting to blog. I guess I just feel like I'll repeat myself too much, seeing as nothing much has happened, other than a few drunk nights out, with great people, and the fact that I still miss Janne like hell. Luckily, she's on her way home now, and I'm hoping to see her this sunday. Fingers crossed! What would be even greater, was if she was able to come with us to CC, tomorrow. I shouldn't go, considering how broke I am, atm. but I miss CC a lot! Extreme addiction, ftw.
Also, I ordered this awesome t-shirt, a few days ago, to support FCKH8.
It's beautiful and I can't wait to wear it! Buy one, people.
Anyway, nothing new to tell, but I've started listening to a lot of my old music, and I didn't realize how much I've missed the magical feeling AvA's songs give me. They're quite wonderful!
Also, I ordered this awesome t-shirt, a few days ago, to support FCKH8.
It's beautiful and I can't wait to wear it! Buy one, people.
Anyway, nothing new to tell, but I've started listening to a lot of my old music, and I didn't realize how much I've missed the magical feeling AvA's songs give me. They're quite wonderful!
Oh god, I feel like I'm in for it now
And how this kiss will be one, roughly vague.
I swear I'll melt if you touch me at all,
But then I'll ask you to do it again and again.
18 October, 2010
New perspective
Wow, seems like I haven't blogged in ages. That's a bad thing! Guess I just haven't had the energy. Well, it probably doesn't matter that much, since I mostly blog for myself. People aren't missing out on anything, just because they haven't heard about my life in a few days. Haha.
Well, a few things have happened. Both good and bad. But mostly good, since I'm gonna see it as a positive turning point.
I've decided not to lock myself up. I'm gonna try to look at my life in a positive way, instead of focusing on all the bad, like I always do. That won't get me anywhere. And instead of fearing my next therapy session, I'm gonna embrace it. I have to. If I don't, it won't make a difference. I get these wake up calls all the time. The bad thing is that I tend to fall back into my hole of self-loathing after a while, and then I'm back at square one. I'm gonna try and do it different, this time. Hopefully it'll work. And hopefully I'll get something good out of this holiday, instead of staying alone in my room all week. I should try and make plans with people. Sad thing is that two of the sweetest girls are not home to hang out with me. Best friend is, though. And I think we both need to get out more. Yup. That's my plan.
I should also think about getting some exercise. It's not just a lie that parents tell you, when they say that it's both healthy for your physical and mental health to exercise. It is. I always feel better when I've been outside, even if it's just for a little while. So that's what I'll do.
All in all, nothing interesting to tell, just a bit of optimism in my life, I guess. And I'm counting the days 'til that sweet girl comes home. I miss her.
I should probably end all of my rambling with an upbeat and happy song! Makes me wanna drink and have fun.
Well, a few things have happened. Both good and bad. But mostly good, since I'm gonna see it as a positive turning point.
I've decided not to lock myself up. I'm gonna try to look at my life in a positive way, instead of focusing on all the bad, like I always do. That won't get me anywhere. And instead of fearing my next therapy session, I'm gonna embrace it. I have to. If I don't, it won't make a difference. I get these wake up calls all the time. The bad thing is that I tend to fall back into my hole of self-loathing after a while, and then I'm back at square one. I'm gonna try and do it different, this time. Hopefully it'll work. And hopefully I'll get something good out of this holiday, instead of staying alone in my room all week. I should try and make plans with people. Sad thing is that two of the sweetest girls are not home to hang out with me. Best friend is, though. And I think we both need to get out more. Yup. That's my plan.
I should also think about getting some exercise. It's not just a lie that parents tell you, when they say that it's both healthy for your physical and mental health to exercise. It is. I always feel better when I've been outside, even if it's just for a little while. So that's what I'll do.
All in all, nothing interesting to tell, just a bit of optimism in my life, I guess. And I'm counting the days 'til that sweet girl comes home. I miss her.
I should probably end all of my rambling with an upbeat and happy song! Makes me wanna drink and have fun.
12 October, 2010
What I'll spend my Tuesday doing;
Ahhh. I'm already on my way into a coffee trance. I've missed this.
Also, for those of you who don't know the book, Nick Cave "The Death of Bunny Munro";
Read it! Right now! I highly recommend it. It's sort of perverted, in the good way.
11 October, 2010
A breath of sunshine
I wanna ride with her in uncertain times.
Mouthwatering goodies!
Holy motherlover. I just fell in love with a million tees on Topshop's homepage. These are the ones I love the most. Now I just need about £38578. Anyone feel like donating? Mwaha.
09 October, 2010
Man, that beat is hard.
My heart's beating extremely fast and hard, and it's making me anxious. The lump in my stomach is back. Don't think it's the same, though. Trying to cure it with some music, to take my mind off things, but it's not working as well as I hoped it would. Confidence is the keyword. But what to do, when you're running low? Seems like all I do these days is trying to convince myself that I don't need anyone to tell me how strong I am, how well I'm doing. But it's not working. I'm just lying to myself. Liar. At least the beat from the speakers are louder than my thoughts. Maybe it'll drown them.
Snap out of it, Laura. This colour isn't good on you.
I'm not good at this. I'm trying to make it clear to you, but I'm afraid to let my guards down, when I don't know what you want. I don't want a let down. But I'm here, if you need me.
Its just like a cigarette, its something that I do
Once in awhile, but between me and you
Its just like a cigarette, nobody's really fooled
I don't want the truth, I wanna feel fucking cool
When I breathe that little bit of death supposedly cancer-free
Everything they say's got the truth twisted up
But twisted up's what I want, I can't get enough
'Cos even though we know it's all just a big bluff
We just light another up,
We don't give a fuck.
Snap out of it, Laura. This colour isn't good on you.
I'm not good at this. I'm trying to make it clear to you, but I'm afraid to let my guards down, when I don't know what you want. I don't want a let down. But I'm here, if you need me.
Its just like a cigarette, its something that I do
Once in awhile, but between me and you
Its just like a cigarette, nobody's really fooled
I don't want the truth, I wanna feel fucking cool
When I breathe that little bit of death supposedly cancer-free
Everything they say's got the truth twisted up
But twisted up's what I want, I can't get enough
'Cos even though we know it's all just a big bluff
We just light another up,
We don't give a fuck.
07 October, 2010
At genkende sig selv i en andens ord.
Hvordan sørger man
når tiden har taget alle tårer
og det blødende sår
efterhånden er blevet et ar?
© Julie Haas.
(Tjek hellere hendes andre digte, også, hun er talentfuld!)
06 October, 2010
Responsibility, where art thou?
Right, so.. I've sort of forgotten to take responsibility for my life, the last few days. And even though it's been fun and I've enjoyed it, I should probably get some structure back in my life, before I end a complete, emotional wreck. Tomorrow's a good day to start, since we're starting on a school project, which is gonna be the most boring thing, ever.
Well, yesterday me and a few classmates decided that we should go to the local bar and get drunk, because we had 1,5 hours to kill, before our english class. After drinking about 3 pints each and making, like, the best english translation, our time was up. Unfortunately, the class got cancelled at the last minute, so we didn't even get to enjoy our drunkness in school. That might've been a good thing, haha. Instead, we decided to go home to one of the boys from my class and drink a few more beers, before we went to the demonstration in Copenhagen. (We were demonstrating against the government's plans about cutting students' money, which would make it impossible for anyone to survive without a full-time job while also going to school. And that's tough!) Well, there were a hell of a lot of people who showed up, so that was great! Hope it made a difference. Mostly we just hung out with Sabine, me and best friend, while drinking some more. After showing our support at the demo (even though we were shitfaced at the time!) we decided to go home to Sabine, to eat and have fun. But best friend was extremely tired, and I felt like being spontaneous, like always. So I decided to take the train to Haslev, to sleep at Janne's place. By that time, I'd been drunk for about 12 hours, so it's quite a miracle that I made it, and that I wasn't even sleepy or nauseous. Awesome! All in all, a fine day and night, filled with spontaneity, great people and beer. I should probably find an AA meeting in the nearest future. Joking, haha. And now, once again, I'll try to find my way back to reality. Wish me luck!
Also, there's this awesome band, Biffy Clyro, who are playing in Vega, Cph, oct. 15th. I'm kinda bummed about the fact that I have no idea who'll go with me. Don't really know that many people who like 'em. (shame on them!) Hoping it works out, I really want to see them again.
Well, yesterday me and a few classmates decided that we should go to the local bar and get drunk, because we had 1,5 hours to kill, before our english class. After drinking about 3 pints each and making, like, the best english translation, our time was up. Unfortunately, the class got cancelled at the last minute, so we didn't even get to enjoy our drunkness in school. That might've been a good thing, haha. Instead, we decided to go home to one of the boys from my class and drink a few more beers, before we went to the demonstration in Copenhagen. (We were demonstrating against the government's plans about cutting students' money, which would make it impossible for anyone to survive without a full-time job while also going to school. And that's tough!) Well, there were a hell of a lot of people who showed up, so that was great! Hope it made a difference. Mostly we just hung out with Sabine, me and best friend, while drinking some more. After showing our support at the demo (even though we were shitfaced at the time!) we decided to go home to Sabine, to eat and have fun. But best friend was extremely tired, and I felt like being spontaneous, like always. So I decided to take the train to Haslev, to sleep at Janne's place. By that time, I'd been drunk for about 12 hours, so it's quite a miracle that I made it, and that I wasn't even sleepy or nauseous. Awesome! All in all, a fine day and night, filled with spontaneity, great people and beer. I should probably find an AA meeting in the nearest future. Joking, haha. And now, once again, I'll try to find my way back to reality. Wish me luck!
Also, there's this awesome band, Biffy Clyro, who are playing in Vega, Cph, oct. 15th. I'm kinda bummed about the fact that I have no idea who'll go with me. Don't really know that many people who like 'em. (shame on them!) Hoping it works out, I really want to see them again.
05 October, 2010
Back to reality? No thanks!
Time for a new post, after a long weekend of awesomeness. - I decided not to go on an awesome-rehab, life's too short! So, I spent my weekend getting way too drunk with some of my favourite people, and I loved every minute of it. Friday was spent drinking with a few classmates at my school, and afterwards I took the train to Haslev, to join Janne and Lili for some more (cheap!) drinking. Hadn't seen Lili in a few weeks, so it was great seeing her again, my sweet, asian friend. We slept at Janne's place, and woke up at about 11 AM, because Lili had to go to a birthday party, which we drove her to. The rest of the saturday afternoon was spent watching Janne make sushi for her friend, and getting mentally ready for a wild night at CC, later on. We drove to my place at about 8 PM, to warm up and make ourselves look a bit more sober. At about 9:30 PM we drove to Copenhagen, walked for about a year, to CC, where best friend and Camilla were waiting for us, at "our" table. After about 10 minutes, me and Janne had already taken 3 tequila shots and I drank 2 glasses of whiskey and coke. Great way to start the evening! Well, that wasn't enough, so we took about a dozen more tequila shots, the rest of the night and ended up quite - well, very - shitfaced. Everyone did! Sabine joined us around midnight, and we spent the rest of the night having one, big lesbian orgy. <- Almost a true story! Haha. I had a blast. Me and Janne decided that we weren't ready for school, today/monday, so we took a day off, at Janne's place, watching creepy movies, eating our own weight in junk food and having a lot of fun. I think I could get used to staying home from school, chilling with her! Insanity connection, ftw. Well, that's about what I spent my weekend and monday doing, not that I think anyone's really gonna read all of this! Haha.
Maybe a few pictures from this saturday would make this long, boring post a bit more entertaining. Enjoy!
Maybe a few pictures from this saturday would make this long, boring post a bit more entertaining. Enjoy!
Cheers, mates!
29 September, 2010
It's a good life, after all
At the beginning of our breakup, I felt like Alice, without the cardboard cutout of you and all the pills, that is. you were sort of the only thing I could think about, and even when I was alseep, you haunted my dreams. Sadly, you still do. That just shows what a huge impact you had on me, and I guess that's not a bad thing, in the end. It just shows me I wasn't lying, when I told you I loved you. Now I'm in a different state. Can't really explain which one it is, but I feel like I'm slowly learning to let go and let myself be happier again. Actually, also healthier. I don't feel the same need to be close to anyone, anymore. And I'm constantly working on myself, my therapist has already made me see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'll be forever grateful for that. I'm happy to feel some kind of progress, at last.
I've made a few new friends, the last couple of weeks, which is awesome. My class is awesome*, too. They had a party, last weekend, and everyone got pretty drunk and danced around to great music. I'm so thankful for the fact that they love partying and drinking, as much as me and best friend does. Amazing people can definitely get my mood up, especially best friend, Joy and Sabine are having a great impact on my life, at the time. They make it worth living. Also extremely happy about the fact that I'm going to get drunk and party with Lili, Janne and Tobias, this weekend, and hopefully we're going to CC's birthday party, this saturday. Should be a great weekend!
* I've gotta stop using the word "awesome" this much! I'm killing it. :'D
I've sort of buried myself in music, the last couple of days. I fell in love with Circa Survive, once again, and also found the awesome band Neon Trees, the ones I mentioned in my last blog post. They're great! Also, Co&ca's newest album, Year of the Black Rainbow has been played a lot by me, lately. I particularly love "Far"!
(Not the greatest version, just thought I'd share it with you anyway! My speakers are loving the bass in this song.)
I've made a few new friends, the last couple of weeks, which is awesome. My class is awesome*, too. They had a party, last weekend, and everyone got pretty drunk and danced around to great music. I'm so thankful for the fact that they love partying and drinking, as much as me and best friend does. Amazing people can definitely get my mood up, especially best friend, Joy and Sabine are having a great impact on my life, at the time. They make it worth living. Also extremely happy about the fact that I'm going to get drunk and party with Lili, Janne and Tobias, this weekend, and hopefully we're going to CC's birthday party, this saturday. Should be a great weekend!
* I've gotta stop using the word "awesome" this much! I'm killing it. :'D
I've sort of buried myself in music, the last couple of days. I fell in love with Circa Survive, once again, and also found the awesome band Neon Trees, the ones I mentioned in my last blog post. They're great! Also, Co&ca's newest album, Year of the Black Rainbow has been played a lot by me, lately. I particularly love "Far"!
(Not the greatest version, just thought I'd share it with you anyway! My speakers are loving the bass in this song.)
25 September, 2010
I feel an addiction coming on!
Just found this band, randomly looking through Grooveshark's popular songs, and no wonder they're popular! I'm already loving their new album, and also, the band has a female drummer. *High six* for that! The first song has been stuck in my brain all day. The songs are pretty different from each other, which I love, 'cause it just shows that they're versatile.
Listen and enjoy!
Listen and enjoy!
"The walls that you
Helped me take down
Are only getting taller now,
And I've even forgotten how
To stand on my two feet.
I wanna say 'I'm on my own'
And happier to be alone,
But everything I do alone
Has every bit of you."
Helped me take down
Are only getting taller now,
And I've even forgotten how
To stand on my two feet.
I wanna say 'I'm on my own'
And happier to be alone,
But everything I do alone
Has every bit of you."
Phew! That hit quite close to the heart.
I live for the weekends ♥
Me and best friend went to a party last night at one of our classmate's house. The night was great, and I don't think I could wish for a better class, than the one we have. Everyone's just sweet and awesome, and most important of all, they love partying and drinking, just like we do! Woo. x)
Me and Nicklas bonded a lot over music, he likes Anberlin too, and I've been a fan of them for years. So we decided to sing a duet to A Day Late. It probably sounded amazing! Haha. Everyone got extremely drunk, and after the clock had passed midnight, we sang a birthday song for Ida, she turned 19 today. All in all, a successful night, in the company of sweet people. Hopefully tonight's gonna be at least as awesome, I'm going to CC with best friend and Sabine, first time since my accident, which happened at CC. Should be interesting! Cheers, peeps.
Me and Nicklas bonded a lot over music, he likes Anberlin too, and I've been a fan of them for years. So we decided to sing a duet to A Day Late. It probably sounded amazing! Haha. Everyone got extremely drunk, and after the clock had passed midnight, we sang a birthday song for Ida, she turned 19 today. All in all, a successful night, in the company of sweet people. Hopefully tonight's gonna be at least as awesome, I'm going to CC with best friend and Sabine, first time since my accident, which happened at CC. Should be interesting! Cheers, peeps.
22 September, 2010
I'm going to push back, with every word and every breath
You know, the only thing I can do, is move on and allow myself to heal. I can't keep holding onto something or someone who doesn't see me like they used to, especially when you no longer want me in your life. I hope that makes sense to you, too.
Yes, I was weak, and I hurt you. I spent a lot of time hating myself for it, but I can't keep doing that. You told me yourself that you wished the best for me, and that you hoped that I'd keep working on myself. Well, that's what I'm doing now. I can't change anything, I made a mistake, and I'm sorry my weakness and lack of love for myself ended up hurting you. I never meant for that to happen. I never wanted you to end up hating me, if that's what you do. That doesn't make me feel any less horrible. But I'm gonna learn something from this, that way at least some good'll come out of all the awful.
You used to be the one who gave me the love that I didn't have for myself, and made me feel meaningful. Now that you're no longer here to fill that hole inside of me, I have to learn how to love myself. You gave me some of the strength to start working on myself, and I'll always be grateful for that. I never want to feel like our relationship was a waste of time, because it wasn't, not to me. You made me happier than I've ever been, I loved calling you mine, because you always were something unique and special, to me. That'll never change. I could never hate you, not after everything you gave me.
I think my therapist helped me realize a few things, today. Not anything that I didn't already know, deep down, but she helped me remember it. Helped me get some clarity. I think this'll be worth the money and energy.
Yes, I was weak, and I hurt you. I spent a lot of time hating myself for it, but I can't keep doing that. You told me yourself that you wished the best for me, and that you hoped that I'd keep working on myself. Well, that's what I'm doing now. I can't change anything, I made a mistake, and I'm sorry my weakness and lack of love for myself ended up hurting you. I never meant for that to happen. I never wanted you to end up hating me, if that's what you do. That doesn't make me feel any less horrible. But I'm gonna learn something from this, that way at least some good'll come out of all the awful.
You used to be the one who gave me the love that I didn't have for myself, and made me feel meaningful. Now that you're no longer here to fill that hole inside of me, I have to learn how to love myself. You gave me some of the strength to start working on myself, and I'll always be grateful for that. I never want to feel like our relationship was a waste of time, because it wasn't, not to me. You made me happier than I've ever been, I loved calling you mine, because you always were something unique and special, to me. That'll never change. I could never hate you, not after everything you gave me.
I think my therapist helped me realize a few things, today. Not anything that I didn't already know, deep down, but she helped me remember it. Helped me get some clarity. I think this'll be worth the money and energy.
20 September, 2010
I'll keep singing my heart out
I'm ecstatic! Best friend (who, btw. has a blog, too!) just reminded me of this awesome band, haven't listened to them for about.. A year, I think! Just checked out their new album, and I'm in love. Sadly, they're not that famous, so my favourite songs aren't on YouTube. Except for this one!
I've got a big heart in my jacket, I'm told
But I'm like a time bomb, and it's getting old
Well, this is not what I wanted this time
So run fast, but you'll never reach that line
And I will pretend that I am fine, but let's not.
I've got a big heart in my jacket, I'm told
But I'm like a time bomb, and it's getting old
Well, this is not what I wanted this time
So run fast, but you'll never reach that line
And I will pretend that I am fine, but let's not.
Side note: What keeps me going, is knowing that you're out there somewhere, hopefully coping better with this than me. Even though you'll never be mine again, I still want you to be happy. More than anything, I wish I could be the reason for your happiness, but if that's not how it's supposed to end, I wish you all the best. Maybe someday our roads will cross again.
If I'm ever that lucky.
If I'm ever that lucky.
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